So today is my birthday and I am twenty years old. I think about where I was a year ago and how much I have learned matured evolved changed since then. Thought I would recap exactly where I am right so that next year I will have a legit reference!
-I am completely happy being independent. Me and ginger have our place and I am no longer living with my mom. We have plans of possibly moving in with Drew and Dave, or the possibility of taking over my moms place with Lo as well and getting over our mediocre place here. although i still like it.
-I am enjoying being single. im not hooking up with anyone. and for the first time in my life i am okay with not wanting/liking/having a boy. if a relationship is going to happen itll happen, you cant force that shit! and worrying about it all of the time is just time consuming and pointless.
---that being said, i have a short stint with jeremiah where i let him get to me but im glad thats over! thank god he was a cocky son of a bitch
---me and mr nothing chat every once and a while but who knows about that. i think. next time he is in town its ultimatum time. "you know (insert name), i have a lot of fun with you and your a pretty awesome guy. you obviously know i have something for you, but i dont want this up in the air shit where we will talk all the time and then randomly not for a long time. im not saying that i want to go out with you. i am saying that you've got one more chance. so think about it, make up your mind, and call me if you want. goodnight :)"
---when i broke up with sids 8 months ago i was so sad and i thought i was in love with him possibly and i didnt know how long it would take for me to get over him. i am OVER him. applause please! he was an asshole, still is, and is selfish. and he doenst even know it! i pity you sids and i hope one day you figure it out.
---i still think about n ick. pretty often. he is so frickin hot
-im really liking work but making shit money. i want to transfer to thurlow, gi, or a new restaurant. i really think my group of friends at work is real and value them so much. thank god for work!! yayy!!!! im also doing well serving i believe
-i am enjoying my psych classes and keeping up (for the most part) with school. i think i want to me a psychologist, psychiatrist, maybe work with handicapped people, children, or ppl with mental problems or that have been abused or traumatized in their lives.
-i have anger about my dad and i dont know how to deal with it.
-me and KK are as close as ever! she is going through alot and i just want to be the best friend that i can be. i love her so much and hope that she realizes what she is worth. i dont want anything to change with us or anything to happen to her. if she dies from this i don think i would ever recover. i thnk about her everysingle day and we really do think on the same level. im glad she shares my optimism and dreams and accepts me for who i am. ah the journey of life.
- i think i need a therapist and could be slightly depressed and/or was despressed.
-------------
what do i want from my twentieth year of life?
-a trip of some sort
-to save a decent amount of money
-to fall in love
-do something ive never done before
-be truthful all the time
-make time for the people i care about
-be a bit less lazy
-not talk bad aout people
-dont comment on ppls appearences when i approach them. compliment on the inside stuff
-confront the ppl that need to be confronted
-make an advance about my future?
-fucking organize my music and keep up with it!
-see hedley at least once
i think thats it.
thankyou for your time.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
TMI
Soo originally I had this on facebook and I really liked the idea of it. But now I feel it's a little but of TMI and people dont need to know all of this. Regardless I am glad I did it but I would rather have it on this blog where I can remain annonymous.
The purpose was to write 16 things, random, or whatever you feel and what people dont know about it.
Sooo I'm super scared to start this this but kudos to Candice for being the first, and Mona to second her and give me courage haha.. This note isn't here to reveal information to my friends. It is here because I wanted to realize more about myself that I didn't already know.. You only live once right?
1. I know everyone has a screwed up family (or most) but I really do think mine is extra retarded. I have basically raised myself (and secretly my brother) since I was 12. I can't tell if as a result of this my childhood was a good thing because I am now a stronger person that I would of been... Or if it has traumatized me and I will never fully recover.
2.I have no idea why I do this but I lie about stupid things everyday for absolutely no reason, and I have been doing it since elementary school. For example. "Hey Natalie, do you watch Family Guy?" me-"Yah! I love it it's so funny" and then the person will proceed to say a funny episode where Peter wishes he had no bones (which is the only episode I really remember) and I will laugh and pretend to know what they are talking about. I do stupid shit like this everyday almsot without even thinking about it. Sometimes I dont even realize I lied until the conversation is over. It's SO weird..
3. I do not appreciate negative people. Being pessimistic will never help a situation. Neither will complaining about how tired/hungover/how you have a weird ache in your back ever influence someone for the better. If you complain or are negative on a daily basis you have a problem and should realize it! I pride myself on being a generally happy and poistive person. Even if things are bad, try to stay optimistic about it.. I swear it helps!
4.I hate this conversation
Ignoramous - WOWWW you're a gymnast? So you can do flips and stuff right!?
me: Well I was a gymnast, and yea i did flips and stuff
Ignoramous: DO A FLIP!!
Me: no thanks.
Ignoramous: So you're basically a dancer right? You twirl that ribbon and throw that ball in the air and stuff?
me: No I am not a dancer, and no I don't twirl a ribbon and occasionally jump. I did Vault, Bars, Beam, and Floor for ten years.. Completely different than Rythmic Gymnastics
Ignoramous: SO you must be realllly flexible right??
me: DONT ASK ME THIS! Yes when I was doing gym I was very flexible, I still am quite flexible. No, I cannot turn myself into a human pretzel and stop thinking of weird sexual positions we could do. gross.
Thank god for Gymnastics because it taught me so much about life. If I didn't spend 30 hours a week all through highschool I would probably be a huge druggie, a promiscuous slut, and most likely on the streets doing crack or something.
5. I have a huge issue with confrontation. I hardly ever get mad at people even when I should be, and let people get away with walking all over me all the time. I am too trusting and give people way too many chances because I like making other people happy and enjoy going out of my way for people. The problem is that I put people ahead of myself so often that I never deal with my own needs or issues.
6. On that note I have three major issues/conversations that I need to deal with before I can move on with my life. I need to confront my Dad about how he has ruined our relationship by transforming into a completely different person and never talks to his kids anymore. Confront my Mom and tell her I am not her best friend, and she cant take everything out on me/tell me every detail of her life/ be crazy just becasue she knows I will forgive her. And one last thing I don't want to talk about on here (sorry too personal!) All of these issues have been here for years yet I still haven't addressed them! hmmm...
7. I really wish I was funny. I always get too excited when telling jokes or stories and I tell the climax/punchline at the beginning because I get too excited! I think if I was more funny I wouldn't percieve myself as boring.
8.I really hate elevators, big crowds of people (especially when you can smell everyone if that makes any sense), big escalators, and if your in a group and you end up walking on the outside or sitting on the end of the table. I have nooo idea why
9. I worry about my brother every single day. I worry about his future, if he is going to turn out like Dad, his habits, his attitude, him being young and stupid with his friends, him driving way to fast, his everything.. I really wish he would realize his potential and DO something with it! :) I also wish he would be nicer to me and apologize when he knows he has been mean.
10. I find humans and their unique minds and behavior absolutely fascinating. Why each individual makes certain decisions, acts, talks, thinks, communicates, the way they live their life and deal with situations in such different ways.. It's crazy that we are all so different yet we all need to just eat and sleep at the end of the day.
11. I don't like the fact that I am very easily influenced by others. I think because when people I care about the most suggest something... Making them happy makes me happy so I will do it. Or when a friend gets something new or thinks something is really cool.. I will suddenly think its cool. I just want to be dconfident in my own decision without thinking about what everyone else thinks.
12. I get along and can easily carry a conversation with 9 out of 10 people I meet. However, that tenth person I run into either makes me SO nervous ( I hardly everrr get nervous around anyone), or I just cant carry a conversation with them for the life of me! The interesting thing is this is usually a person that everyone gets along with very easily, and is completely approachable and not intimidating. I just dont get it haha
13. I think I have a drinking problem. Not because I drink all the time, but because when I drink I usually get wassssted. It's either intentional (don't know why I want too so badly), or completely unintentional I just never stop drinking until every last drop of booze is gone. It scares me because waking up and not knowing how your night went on a weekly basis isnt fun. I have had enough horrible and embarassing experience involving alcohal that I should of learned by now... This is a new realization and I am slowly cutting down.. not on my 20th BDayy tho! Booyaaa!
14. People should really think before they open their mouth sometimes. Making complete fun of someone and then adding "just joking!" onto the end doesn't work all the time. Sometimes (most of the time) in my opinion people are self conscious or embarassed about whatever you brought up and they will think and stress about it for days, weeks years, who knows? Just think about it
15. My mind can run away with me alot of the time and I am so thankful for my bestfriends who keep me grounded and listen to me when I desperately need to talk and tell me that my assumptions about myself and others can be wrong. Put simply, you have helped me become the person I am today and I would be so lost without your support. <3
16. Lastly, I love just spending an after noon just doing absolutely nothing but talking with someone whether it be a complete stranger or family member or old/bestfriend. Especially people I already know well because if you can still do this then you know we arent just still friends because parts of our past are shared.
"Happyness is only real when shared"
PHEWF!
The purpose was to write 16 things, random, or whatever you feel and what people dont know about it.
Sooo I'm super scared to start this this but kudos to Candice for being the first, and Mona to second her and give me courage haha.. This note isn't here to reveal information to my friends. It is here because I wanted to realize more about myself that I didn't already know.. You only live once right?
1. I know everyone has a screwed up family (or most) but I really do think mine is extra retarded. I have basically raised myself (and secretly my brother) since I was 12. I can't tell if as a result of this my childhood was a good thing because I am now a stronger person that I would of been... Or if it has traumatized me and I will never fully recover.
2.I have no idea why I do this but I lie about stupid things everyday for absolutely no reason, and I have been doing it since elementary school. For example. "Hey Natalie, do you watch Family Guy?" me-"Yah! I love it it's so funny" and then the person will proceed to say a funny episode where Peter wishes he had no bones (which is the only episode I really remember) and I will laugh and pretend to know what they are talking about. I do stupid shit like this everyday almsot without even thinking about it. Sometimes I dont even realize I lied until the conversation is over. It's SO weird..
3. I do not appreciate negative people. Being pessimistic will never help a situation. Neither will complaining about how tired/hungover/how you have a weird ache in your back ever influence someone for the better. If you complain or are negative on a daily basis you have a problem and should realize it! I pride myself on being a generally happy and poistive person. Even if things are bad, try to stay optimistic about it.. I swear it helps!
4.I hate this conversation
Ignoramous - WOWWW you're a gymnast? So you can do flips and stuff right!?
me: Well I was a gymnast, and yea i did flips and stuff
Ignoramous: DO A FLIP!!
Me: no thanks.
Ignoramous: So you're basically a dancer right? You twirl that ribbon and throw that ball in the air and stuff?
me: No I am not a dancer, and no I don't twirl a ribbon and occasionally jump. I did Vault, Bars, Beam, and Floor for ten years.. Completely different than Rythmic Gymnastics
Ignoramous: SO you must be realllly flexible right??
me: DONT ASK ME THIS! Yes when I was doing gym I was very flexible, I still am quite flexible. No, I cannot turn myself into a human pretzel and stop thinking of weird sexual positions we could do. gross.
Thank god for Gymnastics because it taught me so much about life. If I didn't spend 30 hours a week all through highschool I would probably be a huge druggie, a promiscuous slut, and most likely on the streets doing crack or something.
5. I have a huge issue with confrontation. I hardly ever get mad at people even when I should be, and let people get away with walking all over me all the time. I am too trusting and give people way too many chances because I like making other people happy and enjoy going out of my way for people. The problem is that I put people ahead of myself so often that I never deal with my own needs or issues.
6. On that note I have three major issues/conversations that I need to deal with before I can move on with my life. I need to confront my Dad about how he has ruined our relationship by transforming into a completely different person and never talks to his kids anymore. Confront my Mom and tell her I am not her best friend, and she cant take everything out on me/tell me every detail of her life/ be crazy just becasue she knows I will forgive her. And one last thing I don't want to talk about on here (sorry too personal!) All of these issues have been here for years yet I still haven't addressed them! hmmm...
7. I really wish I was funny. I always get too excited when telling jokes or stories and I tell the climax/punchline at the beginning because I get too excited! I think if I was more funny I wouldn't percieve myself as boring.
8.I really hate elevators, big crowds of people (especially when you can smell everyone if that makes any sense), big escalators, and if your in a group and you end up walking on the outside or sitting on the end of the table. I have nooo idea why
9. I worry about my brother every single day. I worry about his future, if he is going to turn out like Dad, his habits, his attitude, him being young and stupid with his friends, him driving way to fast, his everything.. I really wish he would realize his potential and DO something with it! :) I also wish he would be nicer to me and apologize when he knows he has been mean.
10. I find humans and their unique minds and behavior absolutely fascinating. Why each individual makes certain decisions, acts, talks, thinks, communicates, the way they live their life and deal with situations in such different ways.. It's crazy that we are all so different yet we all need to just eat and sleep at the end of the day.
11. I don't like the fact that I am very easily influenced by others. I think because when people I care about the most suggest something... Making them happy makes me happy so I will do it. Or when a friend gets something new or thinks something is really cool.. I will suddenly think its cool. I just want to be dconfident in my own decision without thinking about what everyone else thinks.
12. I get along and can easily carry a conversation with 9 out of 10 people I meet. However, that tenth person I run into either makes me SO nervous ( I hardly everrr get nervous around anyone), or I just cant carry a conversation with them for the life of me! The interesting thing is this is usually a person that everyone gets along with very easily, and is completely approachable and not intimidating. I just dont get it haha
13. I think I have a drinking problem. Not because I drink all the time, but because when I drink I usually get wassssted. It's either intentional (don't know why I want too so badly), or completely unintentional I just never stop drinking until every last drop of booze is gone. It scares me because waking up and not knowing how your night went on a weekly basis isnt fun. I have had enough horrible and embarassing experience involving alcohal that I should of learned by now... This is a new realization and I am slowly cutting down.. not on my 20th BDayy tho! Booyaaa!
14. People should really think before they open their mouth sometimes. Making complete fun of someone and then adding "just joking!" onto the end doesn't work all the time. Sometimes (most of the time) in my opinion people are self conscious or embarassed about whatever you brought up and they will think and stress about it for days, weeks years, who knows? Just think about it
15. My mind can run away with me alot of the time and I am so thankful for my bestfriends who keep me grounded and listen to me when I desperately need to talk and tell me that my assumptions about myself and others can be wrong. Put simply, you have helped me become the person I am today and I would be so lost without your support. <3
16. Lastly, I love just spending an after noon just doing absolutely nothing but talking with someone whether it be a complete stranger or family member or old/bestfriend. Especially people I already know well because if you can still do this then you know we arent just still friends because parts of our past are shared.
"Happyness is only real when shared"
PHEWF!
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