into the wild

it really made me think.. deeply, and i realized that there is so much out there.. so many things.. i really am the needle in the haystack, i could search forever and i still wouldnt see every piece of hay out there. i have been thinking alot lately about judging people, and assumptions and just people in general.. and its all suddenly so clear for the moment. live and let be.. just do what you like and what is good and what feels right. running if you want, whatever those instincts tell you to do just do it! maybe you will fail MAYBE you will learn an incredible life lesson. sometimes the simplest things can bring you happyness. and you can keep that happiness and hold it and use it for the times that would normally make you mad or weak. there is no point in just giving up and being unhappy or acting about anything.. you are what you are so why dont you be? we all just go out into the wild.. and some survive. others dont. many just wander and wait to be saved. some go into groups and live off of eachother. id rather find my own way, rely only on myself, happiness is only real when shared. the important thing is balance and with that will come happiness which comes from sharing and you would never realize that unless you have spent time alone, only you and your soul.. that then you meet yourself and finally realize what your all about.. i love being annoymous.. but id rather be heard.

possibility

Relationships of all kinds really are a test of character. Mother daughter, boy girl, brother sister.. they can all make you feel such different emotions so quickly. and it all boils down to how much you care. thats really all that matters. because if you dont care then its out of sight out of mind. once emotion is invested your stuck and you cant get out. i invest emotion too easily, and therefore i easily get stuck. i concentrate so much on pleasing everyong and doing the right thing and avoiding conflict at all costs that at the end of the day the only one that is suffering and left thinking about the situation at all is myself. its unhealthy. and its wrong. its not the way that one should go about doing things. i tried this whole put yourself first.. do what you think is right.. say what you feel thing.. all it has done is cause drama throughout all of my loved ones. it has to be a balance just like everything else. everything is good in certain amounts.. too much and suddenly its not as good or precious as you thought it once was. relationships are filled with balance, and compromise, and everything else in between. too much of someone, or some topic, and it loses all meaning. at least for the time being.. one day you might feel certain that your decision is the right one, and then the next morning you wake up and wonder how you ever thought that was a good decision and all you can think about is how stupid it is. its funny how emotions can so easily effect how you handle a situation. sometimes you feel so certain and you know that you couldnt have it anyother way and then all of a sudden something else.. another feeling.. another part.. another person changes yoour whole perspective and all of a sudden you are right back where you started.. its that cycle.. it never stops.. even if you stop.. if you give up. its just keeps going and pushing you until eventually.. minutes, days, monthes, even years later you suddenly realize and remember the whole reason you were thinking about that certain thing in the first place. and 99 out of 100 times you will make the same conclusion about the situation as you did before and then you will second guess yourself.. and thus the cycle continues
life eh