Today I ate:
-A sandwhich consisting of ham, lettuce, ranch, mayo, chedda cheese.
-a spoonful of peanut butter
-a square and a half of peanut butter treats
-3 cups of coffee
-three mini brownies
-some chip mix... 2 handfuls maybe?
how unhealthy!! dance comp coming up. better suit up that stomach.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
CRWR - Dialogue Str by Num con't
I sit in the waiting room of the 24-hour clinic sipping my umpteenth cup of water trying to cure myself of the horrible hangover I can feel swimming through my body. It’s almost ten o’clock in the morning and I desperately wish I was in my bed in a thoughtless sleep rather than planning out the best way to explain my completely embarrassing situation. I guess that’s what I deserve for partying with my 20 year old cousin Lyss. She always tells me I’m mature for being 15 so that’s why she takes me out. She’s usually always just around the corner eavesdropping on all my conversations and making sure her “dirty perverted” guy-friends don’t get any ideas, but where did she end up last night? I hardly remember seeing her after we got to the after-party.
I have my eyes squeezed shut in concentration, half trying to push my headache out through my ears and half trying to remember the last thing I did before I passed out. Drunken memories are always like reading a book with the pages ripped out of it. Chapter one, drinking games with Lyss’ friends. Chapter two, me losing three times in a row and having to chug that nasty cup filled with a ridiculous combo of scotch, vodka, beer, and coolers to the chants and high fives of everyone around me. Chapter 3, dancing in the living room, or was it the kitchen? Chapter 4?.. Chapter 5 is piecey yet vivid. I’m lying awkwardly on a couch and struggling with either Justin or Anthony, I always got the two of them confused. Either way, a satisfied grin crawls across his face as he holds both my arms back with ease. I distinctly remember his smelly breath right in my face as he allows his full weight to crush me. I have no control of my body or his and curl into a ball as he stands and pulls up his pants.
“Jessica Morley,” The nurse calls impatiently as she scans the crowded room of patients wishing it was their name and not mine. I consider just not answering and running home to my bed but that would be avoiding my problems at large. I stand up and do a drunken wobble to the left first, and then lean my body to the right in the actually direction I’m supposed to be going. She gives me a disapproving look as if I’m her daughter or something, then turns on her heel and walks at a speed unheard of for this time of the morning.
I pace back and forth in the tiny sterile room attempting to sort out how to explain something I don’t even fully understand to a doctor. The door clicks open and my file is placed with ease onto the counter opposite me as an old man slides through followed by another woman who looks a little nervous but she’s wearing the white coat too so she much know what she’s doing.
“I’m Dr. Viterno, and this is Dr. Reesley she’s just going to be eavesdropping on us today,” He says without glancing up from my file. Dr. Reesley smiles as she meets my gaze but I return it with hesitant eyes. “And you are here for…”
My gaze shifts to him and I’m caught off guard by his expectant eyes. I really wish there was just a vending machine for these things. “Well,” I start and look around the room for some encouragement but am just met with posters asking if I’ve been checked for STD’s in the past 6 months. “I think I need the pill, I mean Plan B; I mean the morning after pill.” I blurt out in a much more jumbled manor than I intended.
“Well which one is it my dear,” Dr. Viterno quickly responds in a condescending tone as he crosses his arms against his chest. “There’s a big difference between birth control and the morning after pill, you should know that if you’re going to come in here asking for either.” He says wasting little time as he glances at his co-worker with a professional look. I can see the smirk in his eyes as his crow’s feet are embellished through his thick glasses. I wish he could be a little more encouraging, I mean I’m just a kid and this is already embarrassing enough.
“The morning after pill please.” I say in the most confident tone I can manage. I feel like dirt sitting on this bench thing trying to act the age of someone who should actually be in this position.
He exhales and looks at me as if he’s looking at me like every other patient that walks in here. “And how old are you?” He sighs as he scribbles something on his notepad.
“I just turned fifteen a couple months ago.” I say quietly. He glances back up at me, this time without the smirk or judgment and pauses from his scribbling.
I relax a little and think of how I will tell him quickly about my terrible night but he interrupts my thoughts- “You kids just keep getting younger and younger it baffles me sometimes,” He starts as he pulls his glasses off to get a better look at me. “You just fuck like bunnies and don’t think about the consequences until after your little parties. What about going on a few dates instead of going out-” He motions towards my post-drunken self while simultaneously glancing at Dr. Reesley “-until your wasted and then having sex with all your friends?” He finishes, emphasizing his last sentence with pride. I see Dr. Reesley’s mouth slightly open as her eyes widen and glance at me. I stare straight at my hands, my face flushed with embarrassment. Silence pursues as I fold and unfold my unsteady hands. Anger and embarrassment mix dangerously in my gut; I hold my tongue even though leftover liquid courage tells me otherwise.
He grabs a notepad and writes a few words down before passing it to me. “It’s going to cost you ten bucks for this, we don’t hand these things out like lollipops you know. Is there anything else I can help you with?” I know he’s just asking that because its protocol. He is already shuffling my papers back together and getting ready to leave.
“No that’s it,” I responded with more confidence in my voice than I’ve had in a while. I stood up and placed my hand on the door handle before he can get to it. “It’s just,” I turned around and stared at him square in the face. “If it was my choice I wouldn’t want to lose my virginity at 15. I didn’t realize that ‘fucking like bunnies’ meant rape.” I got a glance of his revealing eyes and I slammed the door in his face. This place has to be the reason why walk-in clinics get their bad name from, I thought to myself as I headed to the pharmacy where I could start to erase the worst night of my life from my memory.
I have my eyes squeezed shut in concentration, half trying to push my headache out through my ears and half trying to remember the last thing I did before I passed out. Drunken memories are always like reading a book with the pages ripped out of it. Chapter one, drinking games with Lyss’ friends. Chapter two, me losing three times in a row and having to chug that nasty cup filled with a ridiculous combo of scotch, vodka, beer, and coolers to the chants and high fives of everyone around me. Chapter 3, dancing in the living room, or was it the kitchen? Chapter 4?.. Chapter 5 is piecey yet vivid. I’m lying awkwardly on a couch and struggling with either Justin or Anthony, I always got the two of them confused. Either way, a satisfied grin crawls across his face as he holds both my arms back with ease. I distinctly remember his smelly breath right in my face as he allows his full weight to crush me. I have no control of my body or his and curl into a ball as he stands and pulls up his pants.
“Jessica Morley,” The nurse calls impatiently as she scans the crowded room of patients wishing it was their name and not mine. I consider just not answering and running home to my bed but that would be avoiding my problems at large. I stand up and do a drunken wobble to the left first, and then lean my body to the right in the actually direction I’m supposed to be going. She gives me a disapproving look as if I’m her daughter or something, then turns on her heel and walks at a speed unheard of for this time of the morning.
I pace back and forth in the tiny sterile room attempting to sort out how to explain something I don’t even fully understand to a doctor. The door clicks open and my file is placed with ease onto the counter opposite me as an old man slides through followed by another woman who looks a little nervous but she’s wearing the white coat too so she much know what she’s doing.
“I’m Dr. Viterno, and this is Dr. Reesley she’s just going to be eavesdropping on us today,” He says without glancing up from my file. Dr. Reesley smiles as she meets my gaze but I return it with hesitant eyes. “And you are here for…”
My gaze shifts to him and I’m caught off guard by his expectant eyes. I really wish there was just a vending machine for these things. “Well,” I start and look around the room for some encouragement but am just met with posters asking if I’ve been checked for STD’s in the past 6 months. “I think I need the pill, I mean Plan B; I mean the morning after pill.” I blurt out in a much more jumbled manor than I intended.
“Well which one is it my dear,” Dr. Viterno quickly responds in a condescending tone as he crosses his arms against his chest. “There’s a big difference between birth control and the morning after pill, you should know that if you’re going to come in here asking for either.” He says wasting little time as he glances at his co-worker with a professional look. I can see the smirk in his eyes as his crow’s feet are embellished through his thick glasses. I wish he could be a little more encouraging, I mean I’m just a kid and this is already embarrassing enough.
“The morning after pill please.” I say in the most confident tone I can manage. I feel like dirt sitting on this bench thing trying to act the age of someone who should actually be in this position.
He exhales and looks at me as if he’s looking at me like every other patient that walks in here. “And how old are you?” He sighs as he scribbles something on his notepad.
“I just turned fifteen a couple months ago.” I say quietly. He glances back up at me, this time without the smirk or judgment and pauses from his scribbling.
I relax a little and think of how I will tell him quickly about my terrible night but he interrupts my thoughts- “You kids just keep getting younger and younger it baffles me sometimes,” He starts as he pulls his glasses off to get a better look at me. “You just fuck like bunnies and don’t think about the consequences until after your little parties. What about going on a few dates instead of going out-” He motions towards my post-drunken self while simultaneously glancing at Dr. Reesley “-until your wasted and then having sex with all your friends?” He finishes, emphasizing his last sentence with pride. I see Dr. Reesley’s mouth slightly open as her eyes widen and glance at me. I stare straight at my hands, my face flushed with embarrassment. Silence pursues as I fold and unfold my unsteady hands. Anger and embarrassment mix dangerously in my gut; I hold my tongue even though leftover liquid courage tells me otherwise.
He grabs a notepad and writes a few words down before passing it to me. “It’s going to cost you ten bucks for this, we don’t hand these things out like lollipops you know. Is there anything else I can help you with?” I know he’s just asking that because its protocol. He is already shuffling my papers back together and getting ready to leave.
“No that’s it,” I responded with more confidence in my voice than I’ve had in a while. I stood up and placed my hand on the door handle before he can get to it. “It’s just,” I turned around and stared at him square in the face. “If it was my choice I wouldn’t want to lose my virginity at 15. I didn’t realize that ‘fucking like bunnies’ meant rape.” I got a glance of his revealing eyes and I slammed the door in his face. This place has to be the reason why walk-in clinics get their bad name from, I thought to myself as I headed to the pharmacy where I could start to erase the worst night of my life from my memory.
psyc outline
just in case my email fucks up
Feedback on your Psychology 1200 Paper http://webct6.douglas.bc.ca/webct/cobaltMainFrame.dowebct?appforward=/webct/startFrameSet.dowebct%3Fforward=manageCourse.dowebct%26lcid=46046102001
Structure:
Followed APA sample paper outline from APA Style Guide
Formatting:
Title page Font Size 12 Double spaced
One inch margins Running Head
Numbered pages Reference page Other
APA Style Referencing:
Used in body of paper?
References Page?
Contents of the Paper
Abstract (See p. 2 of the Sample Paper) The abstract is a summary of the entire paper; do not include material that is not presented in the paper. The abstract is comprised of the following:
the purpose of the research – to investigate whether the ability to suppress a thought is affected by a person’s cognitive load whether it be high or low, as well as how often the specific suppressed though emerges under any load.
the variables being investigated –
--independent variable – suppression and the memorization of numbers ( cognitive load).
--dependant variable – number of words related to house
--control condition – the group with no suppression and a low cognitive load (2 numbers)[is this a fault to the experiment? Should it be no numbers to memorize at all]
--control variables – allgroups were asked to:
-write/think about house
-had the same amount of time to complete the word stems
-had 60 seconds to memorize/study digits (high and low)
-all had practice phase
-all had testing phase
a description of the participants – college student sample (psyc class) with an average age of 20.3 years. Standard deviation of 2.72. there were 8 males and 25 females for a total of 33, which is typical of the gender relations in douglas college classes which is 36% male and 64% female?? In all of douglas there is usually 1 male to every two females. And in our class there is one male for every three females. Not sure if I include all of this information in my essay or not. It could be a fault.
a description of the method including apparatus or materials, data gathering procedures, names of tests, etc. --- in booklet
a description of your findings; do NOT include numerical results – the results revealved that neither parts of the hypothesis were supported. There was little difference between participants with a high cognitive load as well that of a low cognitive load in suppressing thoughts of house. The thought occurred about the same amount even under little stress proving that whether your cognitive load is high or low, your ability to suppress thought stays the same.?? revise
a conclusion - in conclusion this study helped find more information towards the abilities to suppress thoughts and if it is dependent on our cognitive load whether it be high or low.. or none at all?
The abstract is written in past tense. Report numerical values (e.g., number of participants) as digits unless the numerical value begins a sentence in which case report the numerical value as a word. The abstract is no more than 120 words. Typing: The abstract appears on the second page of the paper. The word "abstract" is centred and written in upper and lower case. Do NOT indent the first line of the abstract.
Introduction – reference articles (all three in each if relevant)
(See pp. 3-5 of the Sample Paper) This section introduces the topic being studied, reviews previous research, and clearly states the hypothesis for the study. Academic journal articles are used to review previous research; this is referred to as a literature review. The literature review is NOT a passive summary of each academic journal article, but rather an active, critical discussion of past research. The active discussion involves integrating and synthesising the main research trends as well as noting limitations of past research. Because you are borrowing ideas from previous research, this section will be filled with citations (see pp. 9-11 for examples of APA style citations). In addition, APA style rarely uses direct quotes; paraphrasing (putting it into your own words), with proper citations, is preferred. The literature review should serve as a rationale for the present study and the hypothesis becomes a logical extension of the literature review. Past tense is used for the literature review. Following the literature review, the variables used in the present study are defined and the rationale for the hypothesis is developed. The hypothesis is then stated and the predictions are made. At the end of the introduction, the reader should have a clear idea of what was expected to happen in the study and the reasons for the predictions. It is important to emphasize that the introduction section moves from the general (i.e., the general topic, why it is important, theory, previous research findings) to the specific (i.e., the present study). Typing: The introduction section begins on the third page of the paper. The title of the paper is centred and printed in upper and lower case instead of the word "introduction". The introduction is approximately two to three pages in length. Each new paragraph should be indented 5-7 spaces.
Intro topic being studied-
Review previous research- make sure to connect all three research articles and note the limitations found in each. CITE EVERYTHING.. paraphrasing is better than using direct quotes. Show the rationale for this study so that the hyp is a logical extension. Use past tense. After this introduce the variables of the study.
Cleary state hypothesis for the study- The hypothesis is then stated and the predictions are made.
**by the end there should be a clear idea of what was expected to happen in the study and the reasons for the predictions. Move from being general to being specific.
Method
Materials
Procedure
Results
Discussion – reference articles (all three in each if relevant)
Overall:
Were ideas linked and did writing flow logically?
Was the information accurate?
Grammar
Spelling
Grade:
Feedback on your Psychology 1200 Paper http://webct6.douglas.bc.ca/webct/cobaltMainFrame.dowebct?appforward=/webct/startFrameSet.dowebct%3Fforward=manageCourse.dowebct%26lcid=46046102001
Structure:
Followed APA sample paper outline from APA Style Guide
Formatting:
Title page Font Size 12 Double spaced
One inch margins Running Head
Numbered pages Reference page Other
APA Style Referencing:
Used in body of paper?
References Page?
Contents of the Paper
Abstract (See p. 2 of the Sample Paper) The abstract is a summary of the entire paper; do not include material that is not presented in the paper. The abstract is comprised of the following:
the purpose of the research – to investigate whether the ability to suppress a thought is affected by a person’s cognitive load whether it be high or low, as well as how often the specific suppressed though emerges under any load.
the variables being investigated –
--independent variable – suppression and the memorization of numbers ( cognitive load).
--dependant variable – number of words related to house
--control condition – the group with no suppression and a low cognitive load (2 numbers)[is this a fault to the experiment? Should it be no numbers to memorize at all]
--control variables – allgroups were asked to:
-write/think about house
-had the same amount of time to complete the word stems
-had 60 seconds to memorize/study digits (high and low)
-all had practice phase
-all had testing phase
a description of the participants – college student sample (psyc class) with an average age of 20.3 years. Standard deviation of 2.72. there were 8 males and 25 females for a total of 33, which is typical of the gender relations in douglas college classes which is 36% male and 64% female?? In all of douglas there is usually 1 male to every two females. And in our class there is one male for every three females. Not sure if I include all of this information in my essay or not. It could be a fault.
a description of the method including apparatus or materials, data gathering procedures, names of tests, etc. --- in booklet
a description of your findings; do NOT include numerical results – the results revealved that neither parts of the hypothesis were supported. There was little difference between participants with a high cognitive load as well that of a low cognitive load in suppressing thoughts of house. The thought occurred about the same amount even under little stress proving that whether your cognitive load is high or low, your ability to suppress thought stays the same.?? revise
a conclusion - in conclusion this study helped find more information towards the abilities to suppress thoughts and if it is dependent on our cognitive load whether it be high or low.. or none at all?
The abstract is written in past tense. Report numerical values (e.g., number of participants) as digits unless the numerical value begins a sentence in which case report the numerical value as a word. The abstract is no more than 120 words. Typing: The abstract appears on the second page of the paper. The word "abstract" is centred and written in upper and lower case. Do NOT indent the first line of the abstract.
Introduction – reference articles (all three in each if relevant)
(See pp. 3-5 of the Sample Paper) This section introduces the topic being studied, reviews previous research, and clearly states the hypothesis for the study. Academic journal articles are used to review previous research; this is referred to as a literature review. The literature review is NOT a passive summary of each academic journal article, but rather an active, critical discussion of past research. The active discussion involves integrating and synthesising the main research trends as well as noting limitations of past research. Because you are borrowing ideas from previous research, this section will be filled with citations (see pp. 9-11 for examples of APA style citations). In addition, APA style rarely uses direct quotes; paraphrasing (putting it into your own words), with proper citations, is preferred. The literature review should serve as a rationale for the present study and the hypothesis becomes a logical extension of the literature review. Past tense is used for the literature review. Following the literature review, the variables used in the present study are defined and the rationale for the hypothesis is developed. The hypothesis is then stated and the predictions are made. At the end of the introduction, the reader should have a clear idea of what was expected to happen in the study and the reasons for the predictions. It is important to emphasize that the introduction section moves from the general (i.e., the general topic, why it is important, theory, previous research findings) to the specific (i.e., the present study). Typing: The introduction section begins on the third page of the paper. The title of the paper is centred and printed in upper and lower case instead of the word "introduction". The introduction is approximately two to three pages in length. Each new paragraph should be indented 5-7 spaces.
Intro topic being studied-
Review previous research- make sure to connect all three research articles and note the limitations found in each. CITE EVERYTHING.. paraphrasing is better than using direct quotes. Show the rationale for this study so that the hyp is a logical extension. Use past tense. After this introduce the variables of the study.
Cleary state hypothesis for the study- The hypothesis is then stated and the predictions are made.
**by the end there should be a clear idea of what was expected to happen in the study and the reasons for the predictions. Move from being general to being specific.
Method
Materials
Procedure
Results
Discussion – reference articles (all three in each if relevant)
Overall:
Were ideas linked and did writing flow logically?
Was the information accurate?
Grammar
Spelling
Grade:
My Tattoo
The Daily Writing Prompt was to talk about your tattoo if you had one, and well, I have one!
Response:
I have four nautical stars runnning along my spine starting just above the base of my back, and then climbing up my spine to the exact center of my back. As each star climbs is gets a little bit bigger symbolizing continuous growth of oneself. the light and dark sides of each star alternate so that each side of me is completely equal. I did this because I like to try and see both sides of a story or situation before I place judgement on it. I have learnt from experience that first impressions do not mean everything!. I am an aquarius and a nautical star is a sign of the ocean. Sailors used it as a reference to the north star, they used the north star as a reference point because they could always find it in the sky meaning they always knew where they were going. i.e I should always have a direction and be moving towards something in life. Lastly my favorite number is four. I love my tattoo!
Response:
I have four nautical stars runnning along my spine starting just above the base of my back, and then climbing up my spine to the exact center of my back. As each star climbs is gets a little bit bigger symbolizing continuous growth of oneself. the light and dark sides of each star alternate so that each side of me is completely equal. I did this because I like to try and see both sides of a story or situation before I place judgement on it. I have learnt from experience that first impressions do not mean everything!. I am an aquarius and a nautical star is a sign of the ocean. Sailors used it as a reference to the north star, they used the north star as a reference point because they could always find it in the sky meaning they always knew where they were going. i.e I should always have a direction and be moving towards something in life. Lastly my favorite number is four. I love my tattoo!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Quotations
"God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Ray Charles is God." -Annon
"To begin with, it was only tentatively that I put forward the views I have developed... But in the course of time they have gained such a hold upon me that I can no longer think in any other way." -Freud, 1930
"There is no difference between being raped and being run over by a truck except that afterward men ask if you've enjoyed it." - Marge Piercy, 1976 "Rape Poem"
"There are two statements about human beings that are true: that all human beings are alike, and that all are different" -Mark Van Doren
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Ray Charles is God." -Annon
"To begin with, it was only tentatively that I put forward the views I have developed... But in the course of time they have gained such a hold upon me that I can no longer think in any other way." -Freud, 1930
"There is no difference between being raped and being run over by a truck except that afterward men ask if you've enjoyed it." - Marge Piercy, 1976 "Rape Poem"
"There are two statements about human beings that are true: that all human beings are alike, and that all are different" -Mark Van Doren
Thursday, January 15, 2009
First Assignment - Scene - CRWR
I could feel my ears stinging as I half walk, half shuffle-run to the skytrain. I left at 4:04 rather than 3:59 meaning I'm probably going to miss my train by just 1 minute and I'm going to be late for work again. Passing by the local coffee shop I peek through the window just like I always do to see if there are any interesting customers today. I spot a couple drinking out of glass mugs rather than the cardboard to-go cups. The woman is coyly rolling the emblem of her necklace back and forth on its chain as the man readjusts himself in his chair so he is perched on the edge of his seat. He then leans forward just inches away from her ear and whispers a joke only the two of them understand. I can tell because she comfortably lets her head fall back as she giggles and enjoys the moment the two have shared. I wish I had time to sit and laugh over inside jokes with my boyfriend. It would probably be a good idea to conquer the boyfriend part before I start drinking coffee with him though. The shop disappears and is replaced by the 48 stairs I climb everyday. I only know its 48 because I have a habit of counting when I'm on the go, really just a habit of counting in general. I smile silently as I realize I have only counted 24 stairs because I'm taking them two at a time to catch the train.
That familiar tone sounds letting me know I only have a second before the door shuts and I squeeze onto the train at the last second. Maybe today is my lucky day after all. A few odd glances are shot my way and I realize it’s because I have disrupted the awkward silence of strangers with my heaving breathing and clumsy attempt to catch the steel bar as the train starts. Flustered and sweating from my mini speed walk I skirt to the closest seat and glance at my fellow transiters. 18 people are on the train including myself. Thank God because I usually feel like I'm at a crowded school dance. The only difference is that I'm not dancing with a cute boy, I'm hip to hip with an old construction worker covered in dirt and exuding BO from his armpits, which are at the exact level of my nostrils by the way. Thanks for the great genes Mom, I think to myself as we pull into Lougheed Station. It’s usually busy at this stop but today only a few people saunter in. At the last second this guy hops through the doors just like I did earlier.
He is pretty much my definition of perfection. I silently violate him as I look him up and down. His black converse sneakers pump to the beat in his headphones. He wipes his hands subconsciously on his worn faded jeans while he calmly scans the room from behind his ridulously long eyelashes. He looks as if he has been through a lot and then some. Not in a bad way, a way that makes him wise beyond his years. There is only two decent options as to where he could sit. Directly in front of me or beside me. I feel the butterflies escape from my stomach and surround my chest, as he makes his way towards me. He sits down beside me and I get a whiff of that unfamiliar and intriguing scent of a boy. Thats when I realize I know this mystery man! There are endless stories of us together in my journal just hanging out. I day-dream for hours each week thinking about all the trouble we could get into. I cant believe it`s really him! He`s tall, loves music, smells exactly like I`ve imagined.. I debate sparking a conversation so that we can hit it off, but I`m not sure if that would be stalkerish.
“Excuse me” I almost whisper in a shakey voice. He doesn’t even look at me. How could my soulmate just ignore me like that I think to myself.
“Excuse me” I say a bit louder while tapping him on the shoulder lightly two times. He takes his earphones out and looks at me with his blue eyes like he’s looking at me for the first time. Our eyes connect and we exchange a feeling I know he will never forget. “This is my stop.” I say, I can’t believe we are having a conversation! He moves so I can squeeze past him and I use all the power I possess not to look back at him as I walk off the train.
What an amazing day yet nothing has changed. Rewinding and fast-forwarding and pausing, the last 16 minutes in my head was elevating my mood like a good dose of morphene. I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way. I lost track of the number of steps I had taken as I realized he might of hardly noticed me at all. For all I know he could be on the way to his real girlfriends of something. Thats an impossibility I assure myself, he even had blue eyes! I regain my pace and start all over again. One, two, three, four...
****
That familiar tone sounds letting me know I only have a second before the door shuts and I squeeze onto the train at the last second. Maybe today is my lucky day after all. A few odd glances are shot my way and I realize it’s because I have disrupted the awkward silence of strangers with my heaving breathing and clumsy attempt to catch the steel bar as the train starts. Flustered and sweating from my mini speed walk I skirt to the closest seat and glance at my fellow transiters. 18 people are on the train including myself. Thank God because I usually feel like I'm at a crowded school dance. The only difference is that I'm not dancing with a cute boy, I'm hip to hip with an old construction worker covered in dirt and exuding BO from his armpits, which are at the exact level of my nostrils by the way. Thanks for the great genes Mom, I think to myself as we pull into Lougheed Station. It’s usually busy at this stop but today only a few people saunter in. At the last second this guy hops through the doors just like I did earlier.
He is pretty much my definition of perfection. I silently violate him as I look him up and down. His black converse sneakers pump to the beat in his headphones. He wipes his hands subconsciously on his worn faded jeans while he calmly scans the room from behind his ridulously long eyelashes. He looks as if he has been through a lot and then some. Not in a bad way, a way that makes him wise beyond his years. There is only two decent options as to where he could sit. Directly in front of me or beside me. I feel the butterflies escape from my stomach and surround my chest, as he makes his way towards me. He sits down beside me and I get a whiff of that unfamiliar and intriguing scent of a boy. Thats when I realize I know this mystery man! There are endless stories of us together in my journal just hanging out. I day-dream for hours each week thinking about all the trouble we could get into. I cant believe it`s really him! He`s tall, loves music, smells exactly like I`ve imagined.. I debate sparking a conversation so that we can hit it off, but I`m not sure if that would be stalkerish.
“Excuse me” I almost whisper in a shakey voice. He doesn’t even look at me. How could my soulmate just ignore me like that I think to myself.
“Excuse me” I say a bit louder while tapping him on the shoulder lightly two times. He takes his earphones out and looks at me with his blue eyes like he’s looking at me for the first time. Our eyes connect and we exchange a feeling I know he will never forget. “This is my stop.” I say, I can’t believe we are having a conversation! He moves so I can squeeze past him and I use all the power I possess not to look back at him as I walk off the train.
What an amazing day yet nothing has changed. Rewinding and fast-forwarding and pausing, the last 16 minutes in my head was elevating my mood like a good dose of morphene. I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way. I lost track of the number of steps I had taken as I realized he might of hardly noticed me at all. For all I know he could be on the way to his real girlfriends of something. Thats an impossibility I assure myself, he even had blue eyes! I regain my pace and start all over again. One, two, three, four...
****
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Character writing exercise. (virgin attempt)
So I just started a creative writing workshop and was told I will be a better writer the more I write and practice. Therefore, I am going to attempt to write about some character. As of this moment I have no idea whom I will speak of. I only know it will be of complete fiction based on fact and that their revealing traits most likely wont make much sense. Ah such a daunting task to write twenty-four pages this semester.
I walked into the big red room. So barron as if the most atrocious mimimalist had lived here for their entire existence. The ceiling curved upward to an intimidating point and from its exact center a chandeller hung. It possessed countless tiers all made from thousands of shards of broken glass. Each of them delicately throwing light around the room as if it were a game. Imperfect perfection at its finest.
I could feel the chilled air stealing every ounce of warmth I knew of. It reminded me of winter when I was young. Hours spent outside, tears freezing to icicles as I begged my father to let me back in the house.. I never understood until later why I couldnt stay inside when our neighbour Marla came over while mom was working the night shift. He always played the same tape when she came over, so often that I would whisper the lyrics, barely legible through my chattering teeth. Lost in the past I wondered why I had even bothered to come here. How could my life possibly improve by finding him and allowing him back into my life?
In awe of the floating reflections on the seemingly haunted red walls I failed to notice a leather bound book in the far corner. Probably because the floor was covered in dust.
MEHHHHH thats all I got, what do you think?
I walked into the big red room. So barron as if the most atrocious mimimalist had lived here for their entire existence. The ceiling curved upward to an intimidating point and from its exact center a chandeller hung. It possessed countless tiers all made from thousands of shards of broken glass. Each of them delicately throwing light around the room as if it were a game. Imperfect perfection at its finest.
I could feel the chilled air stealing every ounce of warmth I knew of. It reminded me of winter when I was young. Hours spent outside, tears freezing to icicles as I begged my father to let me back in the house.. I never understood until later why I couldnt stay inside when our neighbour Marla came over while mom was working the night shift. He always played the same tape when she came over, so often that I would whisper the lyrics, barely legible through my chattering teeth. Lost in the past I wondered why I had even bothered to come here. How could my life possibly improve by finding him and allowing him back into my life?
In awe of the floating reflections on the seemingly haunted red walls I failed to notice a leather bound book in the far corner. Probably because the floor was covered in dust.
MEHHHHH thats all I got, what do you think?
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