So everyday everyone does something new. True statement.
I feel like a small town celebrity. That isn't quite the right term to use but I can't think of any other way to put it. I have this remembrance of this thought everytime I walk into my house. As I was down my long walkway covered in lushious red carpet 'cough' I mean doggydo covered cement. I realize that I am always lets italisize that for emphasis always coming or going I am never staying. Example,
She comes home from job at 11:30 only to pick up a few thing before leaving at 11:45 when her studly bf picks her up in his escalade 'cough' Harley Davidson F150 (still nice!) Only to locomote to her other place on the other side of town to take a shower and fondle until the raly hours of the morning. Upon sunrise, she wakes up a mere 7am only to go to her first jon for a few hours, go to ther second job from 11 - 2:30, then go to ther thrird job from 4:15 to 11:30pm only to reach home for a quite sleep and getting up at 6:45a. the very next morning to do it all over again.
Ok maybe not so celebrity, just a working joe or i guess jill, like everyone else. But the point is im busy! And everytime I am going into my house I am thinking about how I am going to be leaving again and what I need to pick up and do.
I just want to waltz into my house like it's my private dancefloor, twirling, shuffling, and shaunshmenting within the four corners. Living in the one song and dance without anticipating where my next shuffle may take me.
To bad I asked for the exact opposite.
There really cant be the best of both worlds in this case.
D.A.N.C.E - Justice ( all for you ott*!)
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
checkmarks are always different than eachother
okay so things i need to do and itll start small but i know it will grow!
boring:
-hem work pants
-get wine crank
-get cute shoes for cactus
-talk to cactus about missing sunday
-get care card from mom for cali trip
-buy lotion
-go through all my drawers and talk half my shit out of my closet
-clean my bed
-get jack johnson money from berkely, K, and spenny
-give mom the money i owe her on her visa: cali plane, jack johnson tickets, jay brannan cd
-drink more water
-
interesting!:
boring:
-hem work pants
-get wine crank
-get cute shoes for cactus
-talk to cactus about missing sunday
-get care card from mom for cali trip
-buy lotion
-go through all my drawers and talk half my shit out of my closet
-clean my bed
-get jack johnson money from berkely, K, and spenny
-give mom the money i owe her on her visa: cali plane, jack johnson tickets, jay brannan cd
-drink more water
-
interesting!:
Friday, April 18, 2008
i have recently discovered something i have known all along
i am incapable of accomplishing anything that takes more than a few hours attention span
i cant study for the life of me
its just not in the books for me
i try i do
theres just no point
i am writing blogs and checking facebook
and i watched TWO movies today
i took like 2 pages of notes
pathetic
how am i supposed to get a good job if i cant study for a few hours
i might just fail english now to
yipeee
i am incapable of accomplishing anything that takes more than a few hours attention span
i cant study for the life of me
its just not in the books for me
i try i do
theres just no point
i am writing blogs and checking facebook
and i watched TWO movies today
i took like 2 pages of notes
pathetic
how am i supposed to get a good job if i cant study for a few hours
i might just fail english now to
yipeee
1 2 3 dont go
Today was a day just like any other.
No it wasn't.
I didn't do anything today. Nothing. So much happened.
I talked to fabolous. He calls dew mrbrown. I thought that was funny. I think fabolous and me are on the exact same page. I always think about him. He was my first. I cared so much about him. I still get butterflies thinking about him and I haven't seen him in over two years.
I haven't forgotten the sound of his footsteps.
He said that if he had a phone maybe he would have beaten mr brown to the punch. I say that that is a load of shit but the meaning is still there. He still thinks about it. He still talks to me on msn when there is no reason to talk to me. We could still be.
We could still be
Maybe in the future. That's what he says too. Maybe in the future we will see more of eachother and we could try. I think that is a good idea. But there is a lot of maybe in the future with alot of the guys I used to like alot and then they all one by one ditched me. But not fabolous actually. That was just an eventual fading of time. Fading of lives. Changing of lives. When I slowly grew up
I realized last night while I was telling dew how I was raped how bad it was.
I almost forgot.
And I still talk to the guy. For years I was friends with him. I’m pretty sure I let him take advantage of me again at his house and then I cried about it. He was such a dick to me. Spread rumours about things we didn’t do for no reason. Told people he planned to do it. Stole scouts phone. Stole money from his parents.
He stole my virginity.
My first time having sex I got raped by someone that I thought was my friend. And he told people that he had anal sex with me too. I know that didn’t happen. I know because I would be able to feel it. I could feel that he had raped me. It hurts. I would know if we had anal sex.
Maybe that’s why when me and stan and moth have our cosmo nights I talk so badly about anal sex. Maybe its all psychological and that’s why it creeps me out.
Dew is right I should never talk to the rapist.
I don’t know why I am so nice to people that don’t deserve my sincerness
- - - -
So lets change the subject. Kindof.
I’m just going to lay it all out there.
I went away to visit my family in a city that doesn’t matter towards the story except for that I wasn’t at home. And my two best friends from highshcool facebook me and tell me that they booked a flight to M and the flight costs 600 dollars and they are going from this date to that date.
At the same time my cousin has invited me to California with out friend Blanche (because she attends makeup school) anyway. I denied both because I just paid for a 400 dollar plane ride and I’m not rich.
Everything is cool
Then I find out that I have an exam after my friends go to M so I wouldn’t of been able to go anyway. Well then, good thing I didn’t buy the ticket.
Then I find out that for Cali, my flights there and back, my hotel stay, and my hotel is all 330 dollars. Half of what M’s flight is!
So I book the flight to Cali. And it doesn’t conflict with my exams. It is a beautiful opportunity.
And then I go on msn and Hilton doesn’t answer me. Oh btw my friends are in M right now. Oh yah and then when I go on facebook she has written on my wall “ you choose cali over m, the end, goodbye”
In her language that means I’m causing drama because I think that I know the whole story and I’m a big fat bitch and I like to bitch about my friends when they aren’t here. And when I come home in a week im going to isolate you and be bitchy to you because I think that everyone is as rich as me and can just afford to miss their exams and pay for a 600 dollar flight
Yah well suck it
Am I wrong?
Why do I feel so guilty about going to cali?
Hilton is so rude
I am not happy about it. And even worse that means ginger and blair are bitching about me too. Blair im not surprised and she will hear about it if I find out she was bitching about me. Ginger on the other hand I will just be so upset. SO upset. I hope she doesn’t break and bad mouth me. Her opinion means the most.
- - - - -
So anyways, on top of all of that I have my last exam tomorrow and my GPA is really low. Like close to failing low.
And I just want to give up
I am failing at university and I don’t know what to do with my life because I know I am capable. But of what??
Join the club right
Do you really know what its like – twisted ( I think its by him)
No it wasn't.
I didn't do anything today. Nothing. So much happened.
I talked to fabolous. He calls dew mrbrown. I thought that was funny. I think fabolous and me are on the exact same page. I always think about him. He was my first. I cared so much about him. I still get butterflies thinking about him and I haven't seen him in over two years.
I haven't forgotten the sound of his footsteps.
He said that if he had a phone maybe he would have beaten mr brown to the punch. I say that that is a load of shit but the meaning is still there. He still thinks about it. He still talks to me on msn when there is no reason to talk to me. We could still be.
We could still be
Maybe in the future. That's what he says too. Maybe in the future we will see more of eachother and we could try. I think that is a good idea. But there is a lot of maybe in the future with alot of the guys I used to like alot and then they all one by one ditched me. But not fabolous actually. That was just an eventual fading of time. Fading of lives. Changing of lives. When I slowly grew up
I realized last night while I was telling dew how I was raped how bad it was.
I almost forgot.
And I still talk to the guy. For years I was friends with him. I’m pretty sure I let him take advantage of me again at his house and then I cried about it. He was such a dick to me. Spread rumours about things we didn’t do for no reason. Told people he planned to do it. Stole scouts phone. Stole money from his parents.
He stole my virginity.
My first time having sex I got raped by someone that I thought was my friend. And he told people that he had anal sex with me too. I know that didn’t happen. I know because I would be able to feel it. I could feel that he had raped me. It hurts. I would know if we had anal sex.
Maybe that’s why when me and stan and moth have our cosmo nights I talk so badly about anal sex. Maybe its all psychological and that’s why it creeps me out.
Dew is right I should never talk to the rapist.
I don’t know why I am so nice to people that don’t deserve my sincerness
- - - -
So lets change the subject. Kindof.
I’m just going to lay it all out there.
I went away to visit my family in a city that doesn’t matter towards the story except for that I wasn’t at home. And my two best friends from highshcool facebook me and tell me that they booked a flight to M and the flight costs 600 dollars and they are going from this date to that date.
At the same time my cousin has invited me to California with out friend Blanche (because she attends makeup school) anyway. I denied both because I just paid for a 400 dollar plane ride and I’m not rich.
Everything is cool
Then I find out that I have an exam after my friends go to M so I wouldn’t of been able to go anyway. Well then, good thing I didn’t buy the ticket.
Then I find out that for Cali, my flights there and back, my hotel stay, and my hotel is all 330 dollars. Half of what M’s flight is!
So I book the flight to Cali. And it doesn’t conflict with my exams. It is a beautiful opportunity.
And then I go on msn and Hilton doesn’t answer me. Oh btw my friends are in M right now. Oh yah and then when I go on facebook she has written on my wall “ you choose cali over m, the end, goodbye”
In her language that means I’m causing drama because I think that I know the whole story and I’m a big fat bitch and I like to bitch about my friends when they aren’t here. And when I come home in a week im going to isolate you and be bitchy to you because I think that everyone is as rich as me and can just afford to miss their exams and pay for a 600 dollar flight
Yah well suck it
Am I wrong?
Why do I feel so guilty about going to cali?
Hilton is so rude
I am not happy about it. And even worse that means ginger and blair are bitching about me too. Blair im not surprised and she will hear about it if I find out she was bitching about me. Ginger on the other hand I will just be so upset. SO upset. I hope she doesn’t break and bad mouth me. Her opinion means the most.
- - - - -
So anyways, on top of all of that I have my last exam tomorrow and my GPA is really low. Like close to failing low.
And I just want to give up
I am failing at university and I don’t know what to do with my life because I know I am capable. But of what??
Join the club right
Do you really know what its like – twisted ( I think its by him)
Friday, April 11, 2008
home
whenever I work. Like tonight. I always dread going home and I don't know why. And I always call mom and ask if she can pick me up because its only a 5 minute drive. and she says no all the time and her excuse today was " i'm already all settled at home here. nope. find your own way home. you chose this lifestyle" what?? i chose to work? yah i did does she want me to be constantly bumming money off of her? i dont think so. seriously makes me so mad! and i have an exam tomorrow and im so tired ive been out all day and no she is all "settled" fuck that noise.
and seriously i fill up with so much anger i can barely believe it and i sit on the skytrian and just fume and then i want to cry and i feel depressed only when im walking home. and thats not just tonight. its basically everynight that i wakl home from work.. i dont really understand it. but its not cool at all. and now i have an exam tomorrow that i am going to fail. also not cool at all. i wish i could fuck that noise.
and then as i was walking i saw this big truck and i always think of what it would look/feel like to just be plummeted by one. just be standing there and have it hit you at full force. how would the body fly??
and then after that thought i saw the moon and all the stars and i took a breath of fresh air and i felt so alive and the sky is so beautiful at night and it reminds me of moth cause the stars remind me of moth. so i tried to take some pics of the moon but it didnt work out to well but i felt better after that.
bi polar much?
sheryl crow and a cool new song out but i dont know the name of it.
and seriously i fill up with so much anger i can barely believe it and i sit on the skytrian and just fume and then i want to cry and i feel depressed only when im walking home. and thats not just tonight. its basically everynight that i wakl home from work.. i dont really understand it. but its not cool at all. and now i have an exam tomorrow that i am going to fail. also not cool at all. i wish i could fuck that noise.
and then as i was walking i saw this big truck and i always think of what it would look/feel like to just be plummeted by one. just be standing there and have it hit you at full force. how would the body fly??
and then after that thought i saw the moon and all the stars and i took a breath of fresh air and i felt so alive and the sky is so beautiful at night and it reminds me of moth cause the stars remind me of moth. so i tried to take some pics of the moon but it didnt work out to well but i felt better after that.
bi polar much?
sheryl crow and a cool new song out but i dont know the name of it.
tree branches are pretty
Moth and I are back on track! Very exciting news.. We talked it out today and everything is good and we agreed to stop fighting over such stupid things.. Because who knows why we were even fighting in the first place? Now when he goes away to school we can still be friends and I can visit him and everything will be good! YAY!
Also
I really need to learn how to study. I'm at the library right now.. Not studying.. Have an exam tomorrow. That's awesome. Going to fail.. Sweetlife.
the S**C A**z**g *ir** G**u* is so sweet! I am so happy that I made it but Gin&Juice needs to still join. That's okay there is still time for her to do it.
Moby - has some different stuff going on
Also
I really need to learn how to study. I'm at the library right now.. Not studying.. Have an exam tomorrow. That's awesome. Going to fail.. Sweetlife.
the S**C A**z**g *ir** G**u* is so sweet! I am so happy that I made it but Gin&Juice needs to still join. That's okay there is still time for her to do it.
Moby - has some different stuff going on
Saturday, April 5, 2008
padaPuke
I have officially decided that I a going to write in full sentences with semi proper grammar because it just makes everything look nicer, and maybe the people who read this will take it more seriously.
Firstly nobody even reads this but me
Secondly all I do is talk about dumb girly feelings most of the time and it must be really boring unless you know me and all the people I talk about.
I had a very odd night last night. I stayed at work for 3 beers and a baked garlic shrimp, and it was all very delicious. The appy really was one of the best ones I have ever had. It was so cheesy and juicy and uber uber tasty.
One might wonder why I'm going off about a little food.
Then Red and I locomoted first to the gas station to get a primetime because we are oh-so-hardcore and then we went to earls to meet Dew, Zam, Double, and Garth.. ALL ALIASES!
Form there I had a Hoagarrden, delicious as well. The equivalent of 1.5 to 2 beers I would say. A peppermint schnapps mixed with expresso vodka shot. also uber yummy, and a harvey wallbanger. Im guessing a double because Dew is just hardcore like that. OK so summary,
4.5 beers
1 shot
1 drink (double)
I guess it's a decent amount of alcohol but nothing that I can't handle because I really can handle a lot of liquor.
Somehow I ended up wasted, like don't remember shit from after the bar. Apparently we stole blankets. I jumped Dew in the car. Don't remember him at my house. I could tell that we had sex though. Now that I think of it I do remember him leaving. Oh yah, back to why im recounting this night!
So somehow in the middle of the night I vaguely remember leaning of the side of my bed and projecting baked garlic shrimp filled with three different cheeses, chives, chunky bits, bread, liquid, etc. (too much detail?) It ended up all over the floor in a neat little pile. So I got a bowl filled it with water and got most of it up I really did. Then. I suddenly wake up in my bed forgetting how drunk I was last night and I go pee. Come back into my room and notice the bowl is still sitting there.
It all comes back to me I puked last night! I never fucking puke. Seriously, only twice in my life. The night I lost my virginity, and officially hated barcardi white. And new years day.. That one was kinda weird. Oh yah, there was the night that I made out with DB. Who ended up murdering, ahem, stabbing, that kid in Vancouver.
Wow all of a sudden I sound really hardcore loser idiot token drunk girl.
Anyway back to the puke story. So as I'm cleaning up the puke I look over my right shoulder and see my camera (my beautiful artsy ugly big black beautiful camera) and notice the flash is still up. Well I wouldn't leave it like that unless I was drunk or something. Oh wait, I was drunk! Hmm... maybe I have pics from last night on here and I can figure out how I got home.
Turn on the camera.
BAM pictures of my sick ass puke! Like 5 pics... Now I seriously have to be the weirdest girl ever. Seriously. Who takes pictures of their own puke. I think my rational was that I would want to remember this, so I better take some pretty pictures of the pretty puke. I also even included a pic of me right as I'm cleaning it.. haha I am such a dorkus weirdo. I must be fucked in the head
Also I'm watching 8 Mile right now which brings back a lot of memories of the good old Richmond days with Fabolous. Fabolous because that was one of his favorite rappers, and then one night that I slept at his house we watched 8 mile. Not to mention eminem reminds me of LDP which also reminds me of RMD. and DPG. oh I love PFQ.
You make me fucking sick to my stomach everytime I think of you I..
..Puke - Eminem ... Thought it was suiting
Firstly nobody even reads this but me
Secondly all I do is talk about dumb girly feelings most of the time and it must be really boring unless you know me and all the people I talk about.
I had a very odd night last night. I stayed at work for 3 beers and a baked garlic shrimp, and it was all very delicious. The appy really was one of the best ones I have ever had. It was so cheesy and juicy and uber uber tasty.
One might wonder why I'm going off about a little food.
Then Red and I locomoted first to the gas station to get a primetime because we are oh-so-hardcore and then we went to earls to meet Dew, Zam, Double, and Garth.. ALL ALIASES!
Form there I had a Hoagarrden, delicious as well. The equivalent of 1.5 to 2 beers I would say. A peppermint schnapps mixed with expresso vodka shot. also uber yummy, and a harvey wallbanger. Im guessing a double because Dew is just hardcore like that. OK so summary,
4.5 beers
1 shot
1 drink (double)
I guess it's a decent amount of alcohol but nothing that I can't handle because I really can handle a lot of liquor.
Somehow I ended up wasted, like don't remember shit from after the bar. Apparently we stole blankets. I jumped Dew in the car. Don't remember him at my house. I could tell that we had sex though. Now that I think of it I do remember him leaving. Oh yah, back to why im recounting this night!
So somehow in the middle of the night I vaguely remember leaning of the side of my bed and projecting baked garlic shrimp filled with three different cheeses, chives, chunky bits, bread, liquid, etc. (too much detail?) It ended up all over the floor in a neat little pile. So I got a bowl filled it with water and got most of it up I really did. Then. I suddenly wake up in my bed forgetting how drunk I was last night and I go pee. Come back into my room and notice the bowl is still sitting there.
It all comes back to me I puked last night! I never fucking puke. Seriously, only twice in my life. The night I lost my virginity, and officially hated barcardi white. And new years day.. That one was kinda weird. Oh yah, there was the night that I made out with DB. Who ended up murdering, ahem, stabbing, that kid in Vancouver.
Wow all of a sudden I sound really hardcore loser idiot token drunk girl.
Anyway back to the puke story. So as I'm cleaning up the puke I look over my right shoulder and see my camera (my beautiful artsy ugly big black beautiful camera) and notice the flash is still up. Well I wouldn't leave it like that unless I was drunk or something. Oh wait, I was drunk! Hmm... maybe I have pics from last night on here and I can figure out how I got home.
Turn on the camera.
BAM pictures of my sick ass puke! Like 5 pics... Now I seriously have to be the weirdest girl ever. Seriously. Who takes pictures of their own puke. I think my rational was that I would want to remember this, so I better take some pretty pictures of the pretty puke. I also even included a pic of me right as I'm cleaning it.. haha I am such a dorkus weirdo. I must be fucked in the head
Also I'm watching 8 Mile right now which brings back a lot of memories of the good old Richmond days with Fabolous. Fabolous because that was one of his favorite rappers, and then one night that I slept at his house we watched 8 mile. Not to mention eminem reminds me of LDP which also reminds me of RMD. and DPG. oh I love PFQ.
You make me fucking sick to my stomach everytime I think of you I..
..Puke - Eminem ... Thought it was suiting
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