i pee'd today and it smelt like pinapple juice
from the drinks i had last night with dew and the e coup. it weird how someone saying one thing can change your whole perspective. i was talking to K and i was sayign that i think it could last a really long time and i think itll be really good and we are so alike and etc etc and then now i heard that richard gave it 3 weeks and laura doesnt think its going to last a long time either and i dunno now i have doubts just because other people do. that sso weird and it really shoudlnt effect me liek that because this is mine and his relationship and they dont know how it is i do so why would their opinion matter anyway??
i thin i should just have the attitude that this thing is fun and its a first relationship and im just going to try and have as much fun as possible and try not to make it serious and think too much about it. i mean thats what i have done so far i kinda have just jumped into it and am just having fun..
i think the issues are going to be
-i dont spend enough time with him
because i have a life outside of bf town and i have friends and richmond and work and school and limited time as it is and i dont want to make my life all about him
on the other hand he did say that he doesnt want to be like that either so thats not a problem at all yet
-secondly he drinks ALOT like he always is drinking and getting drunk and i dont always want to party i really dont.
BUT it is good that he doesnt want to stay in and do nothing all the time and he is social and he did just hang out me and him on saturday night and we didnt drink or anythign so it was fine and i liek to drink too so maybe it wont be such a bad thing
-THIRDLY he drinks and drives all the time! and i am not going to be a controlling gf and tell him what to do that is his choice the problem is that he does it all the time and i get rides with him everywhere and i dont relaly see a way around it without causing a big problem or being annoying. that is his choice but if he does it all the time and thinks im allright with it thats not good and what if he gets in an eccident and what if im int he car with him. its just a really ahrd situation so we will see about that
other than that everything is relaly good! i like the sex even though it hurts a bit and i dont know if thats just cause i dont have sex all the time or if it cause my body is fucked up or what. but it doesnt hurt ALOT just a bit so i can deal with it... i need t listen to K and not give it to him all the time, but right now i want to! ahahah and its hard not to! so we will see i think the most important thing is to not let him take advantage of my nicenessa nd my softness i am going to have to take a stand about some things and stay strong but WE WILL SEE so far so good and hes cute and he makes efforts and he actually likes me!! and we get along great and we talk great and he actually thinks im funny thats a rarity! soooo no complaints but its only been just over a week ahha so who the hell knows what im talking about next week we could be broken up
eamon - fuck it HA me and dew's song....... NAAAAAAt
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
i just wanted to say that i like the feeling of having some one i like like me back.. i think this may be the first time that i actually know for sure that he likes me.. i really hope this works.. i have alot to learn in the relationship department. but i feel really good so far.. and nearly no issues have come up with friends except for ginger getting drunk and yelling and being sad which i TOTALLY GET i would die and be quite depressed if i was her
no time to expand i have a paper to write!
kings of leon.... anything they are awesome
no time to expand i have a paper to write!
kings of leon.... anything they are awesome
Thursday, February 21, 2008
shes gof a bfffffffff
feb 18th sealed the deal! mostly wants to write it here so i dont forget the date for all the fake sentimental anniversaries and shit like that.. i know its only three days later but me and dew have been hanging out everyyyyyyyynight! ahah not sick of him yet! hes awesomeee i didnt think i could find someone more party than me too! i went to bed at 4 last night and then had to get up at 745, NOT FUNNNNn but worth is cause i like snuggling with de dewww hes a really nice guy and yah it all happened really fast but i am happy about it! i just really want to change my facebook status and get the word out thereeeeee cause then its for sure official i mean it is official like for sure but then it would just be official to the worrrlddd. he needs to change it first though because his status is single and mine is just nothing! and im scared to do it first! he is cute though! and i like his friends.. i really dont want to lose my friends! poor crocodile he took it pretty well tho, like really well haha but ill never really know cause he wont open up about all of that shittttt
i NEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD foood ttyllll!!!
borderline - buckcherry .. a w e s o m e sunsetstrip dirty rock band i love love love it!
i NEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD foood ttyllll!!!
borderline - buckcherry .. a w e s o m e sunsetstrip dirty rock band i love love love it!
Monday, February 18, 2008
mountain dew leads to death
yah so i havent been here in a while
it has been a fucking shit show lately!!! i mean sometimes o wonder where i have been and what ive been doing and is it worth my time?? alll i want to do is chill and get all my music done which had been the goal of my fucking life and i just get preoccupied catching up on my fav boy band freak WHICH i just found out sadly the truth about which i was denying for so very long.
yes jake well i ran into matt who knows you form the inside and yes jake you really do fuck around dont you? poor girlfriend oh im sorry i mean wifey shes so nice to you! i was just watching your canadian idol videos she relaly loves you i remember i was talking --lie--- i caught it!
but anyway im disappointed but as disappointed as i may be i would still party with you and solely for the reason that i wouldnt ask you the questions everyone else asks you i would ask how you are feeling and what you think of the randomest and most important things there is.
right now all im really thinking about is dew and ill probably change that nickname as time goes on cause i feel like he might stick around for a while so funny the way he asked me out i was actually laughing in the lab and everyone fricken looks at me like that stupid girl whos all caught up in a boy except im only half caught up. he is cool and i do like him but i just cant help thinking all the what ifs and if there is something better out there i was thinking this as i was leaving trash campus and i was thinking maybe i dont want a bf and yes that is WAY down the road but im a girl and i think about these things. and its not fair to judge me of all people should know that i have a fucking scar on my body because of it. and also i have never done this sober with him i think itll be fine tho dinner should be fine im soooo nervous ive never gone out to dinner before!!! ive gone a to movie with mr nothing before i guess that counts but nothing like soooooo dateish like jesus!!! i hope it goes well.. i guess we will see. i keep getting the heeby jeebies thinking about it so i guess thats a good sign.. im just so nervous for the sex part! i dont want to be bad! and i know i wont until i feel like the time is right, could this be it? who knows im blabbing
and then on the other hand but the hand that is lower but this attatched to me is mr red hot i mean allll were doing in texting i mean its nothinggg its nothinggg but i know its there he invited me out to dinner with him and hes so cute but i think dew is the better catch and i dont want to play these people i dont want to do that cause it just makes everything so hardddddd
and fricken moth whatta dumbass now that i think about it! why would he do that why would he put me in a position like that he is totally taking advantage of me AGAIN why do i not care seriously like i just let him do this shit. pretending to be me and texting a totaly creeper and hes so scary and dirty! what if i saw him on the street and he attacked me or something it could happen it really could and if that day ever comes i home he feels like shit about it. WHY DID I SAY THAT TO HIM i honestly dont think that i did. why would i say that! its the exact opposite of the way i feel! who knows but hes coming over later so ill speak to him then im all tell him that that wasnt right that he did that without my permission.
too much partying now that im 19 and not so much focus on school or cleaning my room for that matter
i feel unoriginal and i skipped my photography class and i feel really guilty about missing it but oh welllllll itll be kind of emabrrasing going into that class and not having very much to show but i guess ill try and go in on wednesday and close my eyes and cop a feel of my way through it. i really just want to find that story i wrote in religion in gr 12 it was a really good one and it was right in the middle of when i was sad and all my true feelings came out and i was surprised at how beautiful it sounds
i come out of my lecture on the 5th floor every mon wed and fri and i look over the edge and i think about jumping every time lately ive been thinking that alot i think about what my funeral would be like and what people would say about me and what their reactions would be and who would show up and everything like that.
i like keeping up but its just so hard to do everything and get everything done at the same time
paramore is fucking good
but more so justin nozuka is playing tomorrow night and im missing it for a boy oh me oh my!! DEW your in for a wile ride and i just need to remember not to push it and to play it cool and not get too attatched or at least not show it cause that pushes him away i gotta make him work for it, i think i can do it but study and room cleaning time for me
arrividenchi! i wish ginger played vball with me yesterday it would of been fun.
it has been a fucking shit show lately!!! i mean sometimes o wonder where i have been and what ive been doing and is it worth my time?? alll i want to do is chill and get all my music done which had been the goal of my fucking life and i just get preoccupied catching up on my fav boy band freak WHICH i just found out sadly the truth about which i was denying for so very long.
yes jake well i ran into matt who knows you form the inside and yes jake you really do fuck around dont you? poor girlfriend oh im sorry i mean wifey shes so nice to you! i was just watching your canadian idol videos she relaly loves you i remember i was talking --lie--- i caught it!
but anyway im disappointed but as disappointed as i may be i would still party with you and solely for the reason that i wouldnt ask you the questions everyone else asks you i would ask how you are feeling and what you think of the randomest and most important things there is.
right now all im really thinking about is dew and ill probably change that nickname as time goes on cause i feel like he might stick around for a while so funny the way he asked me out i was actually laughing in the lab and everyone fricken looks at me like that stupid girl whos all caught up in a boy except im only half caught up. he is cool and i do like him but i just cant help thinking all the what ifs and if there is something better out there i was thinking this as i was leaving trash campus and i was thinking maybe i dont want a bf and yes that is WAY down the road but im a girl and i think about these things. and its not fair to judge me of all people should know that i have a fucking scar on my body because of it. and also i have never done this sober with him i think itll be fine tho dinner should be fine im soooo nervous ive never gone out to dinner before!!! ive gone a to movie with mr nothing before i guess that counts but nothing like soooooo dateish like jesus!!! i hope it goes well.. i guess we will see. i keep getting the heeby jeebies thinking about it so i guess thats a good sign.. im just so nervous for the sex part! i dont want to be bad! and i know i wont until i feel like the time is right, could this be it? who knows im blabbing
and then on the other hand but the hand that is lower but this attatched to me is mr red hot i mean allll were doing in texting i mean its nothinggg its nothinggg but i know its there he invited me out to dinner with him and hes so cute but i think dew is the better catch and i dont want to play these people i dont want to do that cause it just makes everything so hardddddd
and fricken moth whatta dumbass now that i think about it! why would he do that why would he put me in a position like that he is totally taking advantage of me AGAIN why do i not care seriously like i just let him do this shit. pretending to be me and texting a totaly creeper and hes so scary and dirty! what if i saw him on the street and he attacked me or something it could happen it really could and if that day ever comes i home he feels like shit about it. WHY DID I SAY THAT TO HIM i honestly dont think that i did. why would i say that! its the exact opposite of the way i feel! who knows but hes coming over later so ill speak to him then im all tell him that that wasnt right that he did that without my permission.
too much partying now that im 19 and not so much focus on school or cleaning my room for that matter
i feel unoriginal and i skipped my photography class and i feel really guilty about missing it but oh welllllll itll be kind of emabrrasing going into that class and not having very much to show but i guess ill try and go in on wednesday and close my eyes and cop a feel of my way through it. i really just want to find that story i wrote in religion in gr 12 it was a really good one and it was right in the middle of when i was sad and all my true feelings came out and i was surprised at how beautiful it sounds
i come out of my lecture on the 5th floor every mon wed and fri and i look over the edge and i think about jumping every time lately ive been thinking that alot i think about what my funeral would be like and what people would say about me and what their reactions would be and who would show up and everything like that.
i like keeping up but its just so hard to do everything and get everything done at the same time
paramore is fucking good
but more so justin nozuka is playing tomorrow night and im missing it for a boy oh me oh my!! DEW your in for a wile ride and i just need to remember not to push it and to play it cool and not get too attatched or at least not show it cause that pushes him away i gotta make him work for it, i think i can do it but study and room cleaning time for me
arrividenchi! i wish ginger played vball with me yesterday it would of been fun.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
mashed potatoes
we take so many things for granted
on friday i was taking the skytrain to work and as usual and while i was coming down the escaltor onto 8th i see this girl dressed all in raggedy black clothes looking like a punk with bright pink hair that had grown out a few inches and numerous piercing covering her forced smile. i think to myself as i am slowly descending upon her why the hell is this girl asking randoms for money. she can afford piercings and hair dye, shes just another druggie that is too lazy to make an effort and change her ways. im so above her literally and physically. what kind of person thinks this? the priviledged of course. this all happens approx 430pm
11 oclock comes around and i am cut form work. and as i am walking to the skytrains i see the same girl standing in the same place looking lost in the same way as she did before. shes so zoned out and not in tune at all.. i cant believe i just worked a full shift, all annoyed because im tired and this whole time this girl has been outside in the freezing cold with only a sweater as im chattering my teeth and im wearing a huge feather filled jacket.
i almost just forget the moment and retreat up the escalator and go to my warm home. but i dont i go up to her and explain that i work at the keg and ask her if she would like me to get for some food. a little light flashes in her eyes and she looks so gratful but doesnt really show it. i go bakc and get them steal a fork from the bussers when they arent looking, dont tell anyone, and i go back and give it to her. as i come back she actually apologizes to be for being out of it and accepts the mashed potatoes gratufully. 3 mintutes of my life and she had some food, some warm food. some food that i get for free everyday and complain that im sick of it
i hate the order of the world and i realize this as i climb my way to the platform to go home. tears come to my eyes for no specific reason and i just dont understand it all. i think everyday after i leave work im going to take some g mash with me and see if somebody wants it. if not ill just take it home with me..
its just one of those things i dont want to forget. just like my tattoo you cant forget that everything has two sides to it and i erally should treat everything and everyone fairly. that poor girl and i actualy had anger towards her because she dares to ask me for some money. everyone has horrible lives. ive suffered a lot and i am still sooo priviledged. i catn even imagine what it would be like, how it would feel to have to ask strangers for money. maybe she is on drugs, maybe she isnt, i hope if she is she gets off them and i hope that she gets warm food evrynight.
mr big. im the one who wants to be with you
on friday i was taking the skytrain to work and as usual and while i was coming down the escaltor onto 8th i see this girl dressed all in raggedy black clothes looking like a punk with bright pink hair that had grown out a few inches and numerous piercing covering her forced smile. i think to myself as i am slowly descending upon her why the hell is this girl asking randoms for money. she can afford piercings and hair dye, shes just another druggie that is too lazy to make an effort and change her ways. im so above her literally and physically. what kind of person thinks this? the priviledged of course. this all happens approx 430pm
11 oclock comes around and i am cut form work. and as i am walking to the skytrains i see the same girl standing in the same place looking lost in the same way as she did before. shes so zoned out and not in tune at all.. i cant believe i just worked a full shift, all annoyed because im tired and this whole time this girl has been outside in the freezing cold with only a sweater as im chattering my teeth and im wearing a huge feather filled jacket.
i almost just forget the moment and retreat up the escalator and go to my warm home. but i dont i go up to her and explain that i work at the keg and ask her if she would like me to get for some food. a little light flashes in her eyes and she looks so gratful but doesnt really show it. i go bakc and get them steal a fork from the bussers when they arent looking, dont tell anyone, and i go back and give it to her. as i come back she actually apologizes to be for being out of it and accepts the mashed potatoes gratufully. 3 mintutes of my life and she had some food, some warm food. some food that i get for free everyday and complain that im sick of it
i hate the order of the world and i realize this as i climb my way to the platform to go home. tears come to my eyes for no specific reason and i just dont understand it all. i think everyday after i leave work im going to take some g mash with me and see if somebody wants it. if not ill just take it home with me..
its just one of those things i dont want to forget. just like my tattoo you cant forget that everything has two sides to it and i erally should treat everything and everyone fairly. that poor girl and i actualy had anger towards her because she dares to ask me for some money. everyone has horrible lives. ive suffered a lot and i am still sooo priviledged. i catn even imagine what it would be like, how it would feel to have to ask strangers for money. maybe she is on drugs, maybe she isnt, i hope if she is she gets off them and i hope that she gets warm food evrynight.
mr big. im the one who wants to be with you
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