im so dissapointed in myself

so basically today i am feeling pretty pathetic

today niai came over to drop off a blanket and it just wasnt the same. it hasnt been the same ever since i told him i am going out with dew and it makes me so sad. and i cant believe he said that to britt and i just am at my whits end about what to do. we talked for about an hour just about random stuff and we can talk we really can and it was almost like old times. almost

but it was tainted.

there were lulls

and there is never lulls with us. its like the end of an era

i feel like its all my fault

its not like i can be mad at him. but i can be because he is also acting so stupid.. we just kept making little comments at eachother and i know he knows something is up. i know he is feeling the same way as me. but maybe its true, maybe we cant be friends if one of us has a boyfriend. i mean if he got a girlfriend i would be SO jealous so i cant even imagine how he feels right now. im not even going to try. i just hate the way that things are changing. i just feel like its never going to be the same. i hope that isnt the case though...

i dont really know how to co exist without being best friends with iain, and i hope i never forget all the amazing times that we had together. i just feel like shit i really do

and im so weak. i have a primetime and TODAY after he leaves i decide to have it. and now i am drinking a beer. alone. because i feel sad. that would classify me as an alcoholic i would say. whatever. im mourning haha.

i dont really know what else to say its just so sad


its cool, we can still be friends - bright eyes


that song always reminded me of you.. the stars are pretty dim tonight