masks

"Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us will be composed of a variety of masks, and if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity. And if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What's your opinion on these divine matters?"... from the movie 'war inc'

i struggle with myself constantly. and i realize how much i have to learn about myself everday. i am reminded that i need to support my own opinions and stop thinking about that the best option is and do the best option for me. and i need to start standing up for what i believe and and not letting things slide. and call ppl out on things. and not give ppl the benifit of the doubt. i feel fake. but i know im not. i just like making other people happy before myself. and ginger seems so confident in her choices all the time. because she just does what we thinks and sticks with it. she doesnt over analyze. i am jealous of that. and she has opinions on other ppl where as i tend to go along with what they think. yet i always do what i want to be doing. i just dont get it. am i supposed to? cause then what would i do next?

i feel like i am made up of many different masks. cute me. deviant me. serious me. flirty me. annoying me. bitchy me. are they all different parts of me? or can the real me shine through on all these occasions. its just that sometimes alot of the time i come home and im not happy with the person i have become. i feel like i can do better and im not being myself enough but i feel like i act like myself allday though. im trying to say i dont know who i am yet and that scares me especially because sometimes i speak with so much clarity it scares me. and i am so sure of myself and i think i am football fields ahead of others in this game we call life. who knows i guess were all just differnt colored gumballs in the machine. or just like snowflakes all pretty much the some yet so unbelievably different.


mgmt - time to pretend