things are going to come out differently

i have been influenced. i want to say things i dont want to explain them all i am doing is runnign in circles lieka retarded dog who thinks its tail is a toy. its not a toy its what waves around in the air after you take a shit. you could probably get sick from biting your tail all day long. i explain because i am scared to take that next step. say what i think. think what a feel. know what i feel. not altar what i feel. break the habit. i scare myself. i am so much smarter than so many people. who cares if im wrong sometimes. just say it. i dont think i like cooker i think i am using him as a temporary jacket until i find the one that fits me better. cooker is a good guy but i sneaking into bathrooms with him because its convenient and fun. for him its promising and he likes me more and more. and i am aware becuase i read ppl really well. and he is smart like me too so he knows how to hide it. but he doesnt know that ultimately i dont care how it works out cause i care more about how it works out with my lost jacket. all the way up north. so far away and holding my prized possesions like my ipod. fuck that shit. i am so unlucky. wallet, id, music, jacket, shoes, family, father, money, sense, ability, respect, faith, love. gone. who knows why i like to drink so much. and ppl laugh about it and smile. dont they know its pathetic. that i dont do anyting with my lfie because i am unhappy.; when i knwo that the reason i am unhappy is because i am doing nothiin with my life. and isnt that a circle that retarded dogs know all too well.. if they just stopped spinnign in circles they could sprint ahead and find that bouncing tennis ball. that brings them wagging tails and barks and joy. if life was as easy as a dogs.. then i would be bored as shit. i dont sleep even though i need to get up and do shit tomorrow but i know i wont but i should

things i should do
-paint the coffee cup
-write in here more
-find douglas courses
-do my laundry
-clean the kitchen
-spend less money
-get id
-be fucking thankful
-help kailey
-keg cup dance
-hanks
-stop saying things like "what isnt there another on in there?"
-i know there isnt another one and i lied cause i wanted it cause i was selfish


things i like about eel
-the way you look at me when you want me
-the way you are so happy falling asleep
-the way you laugh at the things i say
-the way you know i see through your barriers
-the wya you know we have something
-how when you laugh you look like a nerd
-you talk to strangers at the gas station
-you like primetimes
-you listen
-your interested
-youve gone travelling
-you talk back
-you grab me with force
-the way you want me so badly ad you show it
-your honestly
-your height
-the way you have my full attention even thoughyou live 5 hours away
-the way you have no idea how good we are for eachother
-how we talk like best friends on the phone
-how we can be short and we fully understand it
-you turn the knobs on my radio

i dont like
-how you dont talk on msn
-you dont always call back
-how you stopped talking to me multiple times
-you took a step forward and then turned around and ran the other way
-how you always have girls on the go
-you flirt
-you dont care if other ppl see
-you dont think like me
-you let things slide
-you dont dig right in
-you care more about you getting off than me
-you dont knwo where it is
-your too rough too much
-you talk about other ppl youve hooked up with
-your kryptonite