shock me like an electric eel

sometimes things just turn around. and not for the better but not for the worse.

i randomly think about eel sometimes. about the would have and could haves. and the other day he said hello to me and said that he was thinking about me. and that he thinks we should take things a little more seriously and not just hook up randomly. i agree with this statment. cause ive always thought he was more than nothing. like i said he is my never anything but always something. myself ginger and musicman might make a trip to visit him. i want that to happen.

things get a little bit complicated and i let it.

i always get drunk and do things that i know i shouldnt have and then i wake up and wonder why i allowed myself to do that. and htne i say to myself i wont let it happen again and then as soon as i have another drink i decide oh well i will just get drunk again and then i let the same things happen over and over. am i on the train and the next stop is alohalism?

anyway, on halloween where you could say i was young and drunk and high i decided to be very forward. so i walked up to cooker and ask him if he would like to make out because i wanted to. just like that. and so we did. and i think that cooker is really an amazing guy and we connect alot and talk ver easily and have the same mindset about alot of things. we think like frogs and toads. the same yet different. and then the other night we both got drunk again and we made out again. so what i am saying is that i like cooker (i think) but i like eel more. and i know that i will choose eel over cooker anyday even though cooker is the nicer guy at the end of the day. and i need to figure out what is going on with eel before i do anything more with cooker. but i made out with cooker twice. so now does he think something is going to happen? i dont know how to get out of this situation but i do know that i am mature and need to be held responsible for my actions and i need to not lead cooker on because he is an amazingly nice guy. therefore. no more making out when we are drunk.