Geeeeuilt

So, you know when you feel unwelcome in your own house?

my roomie is mad at me? i think? It's this thing that's been happening.. real slow.. comment by comment, pick by pick she is breaking me. I wish I was stripped from the powers of emotion. I should NOT feel bad about anything!

Friday. my birthday. she is so short with me! so laughy with Lo and I try, I try so hard to talk to her. I even ask her if she is mad at me. And she laughed, said she wasn't and then turned to a friend and didn't actually respond to me at all. I hardly saw her the whole night.. At the end she told me that I was being mean to Cooker because I was flirting with him (so what it's my birthday and we always flirt) and then she told me I'm not allowed to talk to Pat and told me I shouldn't give my number to him.. Not Fair! I told him we should ALL party AND I gave him her number. gosh. I wish she realized a little bit that I have no. Zero. bad intentions for her. Then she kept accusing me of flittering off the whole night. welll sorrry I was having fun on my birthday. Apparently it's my fault that she didn't look into her phone.. Didn't even say goodbye. and just left and went home. Not excited about this new/old interest of mine. I just don't understand.. She told Lo that she feels mad at me and she doesn't know why. I wish that she could communicate her feelings to me. As well as I know her I can't tell if she is aware of this. This isn't everything there is so much. So many guilt stabs. the "fineees" and "I guess so" so unessecary. maybe im overreacting. but none the less I am hurt and she is aware of that at least a little bit. And she does nothing to solve it or address it. It hurts my feelings. alot. I want to talk to her about it but I don't think she will say anything I think she will just brush it off like it's nothing to her. But it's something to me.


It's always something to me and is never anything to her. I am always on this side of any relationship. I need to push the off button on my brain. That would be refreshing.