JC, the neanderthal that opened my eyes

So im all upset and grumpy about having to wake up early and go to my english tutorial, i arrive at school like the loner i am all wet from having the trucks driving past me on the way to school spray me with their grainy rain filled shit liquid. i even get to the classroom before the teacher! at least im awake now. i first i thought he is a student but he goes to the front of the classroom and i take in his size. hes at least 6'2'' and looks as if the extent of hes evolution hasnt quite caught up to society. his forehead protrudes a little more than usual, and he has large muscular shoulders, a wide stature, that big guy you wish you had to hug you when you needed it most.

as he begins to speak i am instantly and completley intrigued by him. he speaks with such a need to be listened to . thank god im actually awake because i am so enthralled by him. i could listen to him speak for hours upon end, because he speaks as if he is obsessed with life. even tho he is only introducing himself and making a bit of small talk because it is the first tutorial and only half of us are here, i can tell that he is a highly educated and intelligent individual. the way in which he speaks about society and the human being, books, hand made shoes, synthesized flesh, mcdonalds, we cover it all! and it makes me want to learn. i now realize why it is so important to like and enjoy the teachers you have becase you end up getting so much more out of the course. i wish he was teaching the lectures... i am so attracted to this man. he is not especially good looking but it doesnt matter. he is so sexy in the way he expains the simplist and most dull subjects. the way he is excited that he bought his ugly black and red shoes from a guy that hand made them himself, the way he absent mindedly plays with his odd necklace and ring as he speaks. its as if it is little windows into his intimate world. i start to day dream about what he is like out of the classroom setting and how he would act when enjoying a pitcher with his buddies. are they those geeky intellectual guys that get drunk and go off on tangents about the meaning of life, or what makes one human? maybe. but he looks like a football player that used to get drunk and break shit as a teen. all i know is that i want to know more

on a completley different and random topic. i have decided i am going to try and 'blog' as it were more often. it is a good outlet and as jacob says it is a good way to bleed. by talking about my feeling and my little everyday realizations i think i will look back on this and smile for if i didnt write it all down it would be forgotten and never resurfaced. ill remember hte important events everyone alsways does, at least bits of it. but i want to remember the little things because i have always believed they are the most important. it will also be good to gt used to writing, writing my opinion and being able to rant can only be beneficial i believe. at least i can empty my mind to that i will have more space to focus on broing subjects such as writing papers and learning the commands of they internet. on the other hand it may just be me procrastinating because i should be reading frankenstein for english but its just too old english and boring, im sure itll get good. i mean its all in the interpretation not so much in the words itsself. with all this time up at school im sure that i will be makeing at least dual weekly posts or blogs or whatever it is you call it. however for now i need to check my facebook and respond to crocodiles short and boring and completley uncharacteristic message which makes me feel empty and unwanted because he always wants to hang out wiht me because he likes me and now when he doesnt want me anymore i want him to want me. how DUMB. im reading to much into it. or am i?