sharing

i tried to start reading frankenstein and got maybe twenty pages in. then i wandered around campus and found my new favorite spot. this campus is beautiful! so many places and niches that tiny litte organisms os humans in this world can sit and study, reflect, read, fart, think, daydream, doodle, whatever the hell they want and no one talks to you. i think i may just find myself in whalley this semester and grow up a little bit more

but now for the purpose of the program, im completely compelled by aheartbreakingwork.blogspot.com. its jakes of my favorite band and obsession hed-o-ley and i am going through every single one of his blogs and have been for the last little while and they are so beautiful and inspiring and its not just because i relaly like jacob. its because he is an amazing writer and has the crazy capability to expell emotion from himself that i dont even think he realized until he started writing it down. my eyes well up reading this shit. i literally laugh out loud in the middle of this sfu library and people including the homeless man to my right, sorry left im dyslexic, all look at me funny like im an idiot for being amused.

my point is that i enjoy reading this so much but all i can think about is telling bliar about it (code name! love you ginger!) and i shoudlnt need to depend on blair to make this real. i dont understand why i wont let myself fully enjoy reading the blog and getting everythign i get out of it. i knwo that she wont appreciate it in the same way as i do. I''ve told her at least 3 times about it and she still hasnt looked at it. if someone especially one of my best friends told me something that they emmensly enjoyed i would be intrigued to see it because it makes them happy and it makes me happy to see them happy therefore i would liek to see what exactly makes them happy and reflect on it and think about it and grow my evergrowing respect for poeple like my friends that i admire. but i dont really admire blair anymore. she is changing. no she isnt. i am growing and making realizations that i avoided and did not see previously. i still want to tell her about it even tho i know it wont effect her in the way it does me. its just the person i am i guess. i wish blair coudl grow and realize and get out of her mind where she is rular of all that is right.

just like i thought typing all of that out made it make sense in my head BUT STILL i want to tell her wtf. and yes i do relaly enjoy his blog but it isnt my life im just using it as an example to explain the way i feel about myself and blairs relationship. however in reality im trying to covor up the fact that i am completley obsessed with jacob H and i dont know why i woudl try to hide it on this. nobody knows who i am and im using code names and no one reads this but me so WHY DO I STILL CARE. i guess truth and time will tell

.thanks audrina of the hills speaking to the bad boys i so dearly love and hate.