wedding bells, visas, and frovers

so i found out today that my dad is getting married to a Japanese woman that is not a Canadian citizen. she lives in japan and she doesn't speak English and she smells bad and she wears weird clothing and she doesn't understand me when i ask her very simple questions. my dad says he loves this woman. how can you love someone with a language barrier like that? how can you love someone you have only known for 2 months. my dad is crazy. i am really upset about this whole thing. way more upset than i thought i would be. my eyes kept welling up at work today and i couldn't stop myself. its so weird how if someone is your family for some reason everything is such a bigger deal. my dad and i don't talk really any more. ever since i moved in with mom and i don't see him on a regular basis. even when we were living in the same household i didn't talk to him about anything in specific but i still saw him every once and a while and he knew what was going on in my life. every since i moved out i never see him and he has no clue whats going on in my life. and then he has the nerve to tell em that i only ever call him when i need something. for the record i don't EVER call him for when i need something because i would never steep that low as to ask him for something i would rather get it for myself.anyway, dad was just going off on the phone today about how he is so happy and everything in his life is just so wonderful . i don't understand how everything can be so awesome when you never talk to your kids. me and my dad literally dont have any relationship at all any more. we had to meet up so that i could switch my phone over and he didnt ask me a single question about what is going on in my life. he is so self absorbed i cant stand it. i know its a two way street but even if i made an effort like asking him to go out to dinner he would obv go but then after that no call woudl be made to do it again. and at dinner he wouldnt talk to me about anything but himself. and i should HAVE to make the first move.. i am his daughter but he is my dad he can call em and ask how im doing and he doesnt. he doensnt know what courses i m taking in school or what boys ive been dating or anything that is of any importance to me at all. i wish i had a family like gingers. her family is so good and she loves them so much.
i have a retarded dad marrying a mail order bride and he is so dumb he doesnt even realize it. i have a brother who is turning out to be just as rude as dad who has no respect for anyone and takes advantage so people right left and center. did i mention he has a weed addiction and is almost failing gr 12 at the easiest school with the easiest schedule ever? i have a mother with a boyfriend in winnipeg that is her life and she is crazy at times but i really do love her. i dont know what i would do without her even though we fight all the time and she is so god damned stupid about so many little things. its so hard when everything around you is falling down. there so many people out there with lives so much worse than me and i shouldn't be complaining like this. its just, you know those days when you feel depressed and all you want to do is cry and make everything so away. this is one of those days. and ive been having these days a lot more often lately. i dont want to become depressed like i was before its not fun for anyone and it isnt healthy.

crocodile isnt being talkative to me and i miss him and it makes me so sad that we wont be close. i understand that he needs to get over me. i get that. i get that its hard o get over someone when you see them all the time. i understand that we cant be as close because its too hard for him. i get it all. i just wish it didnt have to be this way. because i care about him so much and i still want to see him all the time. i wish we could just be friends but itll never work. i miss him and i wish we could be like we used to be. i have ginger, i love ginger, but theres nothing like alligator and crocodile time and thats all i wanted tonight to get cheered up because if anyone could cheer me up it would be him.. and usually when something personal happens to me like this he would be the first person i would call and now i cant. just like how when i ran away i called him. now if i ran away i couldn't call him and that makes me so sad i hate the way things change i hate it so much. i wish i loved him the way he loves me it would make everything so good but i cant do it and it makes me so sad. i know its selfish but i need him around me and in my life. i would be there for him. if he called me i would be there i would listen and i would be his friend he has been my number one for so long i dont want to let him go. i know i have to. i cant force him to want to be friends with me. i hope me misses me and that i mean as much to him as he does to me. alli can do is hope. its all out of my control. nothing is in my control.