Im pretty jealous that I dont have poetic talent like other bloggers out there. I think the stuff. I love the stuff. I am too lazy to write like that. Even though everytime I write a blog I wish it sounded more interesting. Hanna Miet has inspired me. Im going to try agian. Tomorrow. Lids are closing and I have a date with my shower at 9am.

Just read through all of my old journals and it looks like Im a depressed retarded young lady!

Oh well I'm happy right now so whatever.

Done school, woot woot!
B- in Abnormal Psych I fucking rocked the Final, gooooo me

C in Fundamentals of Business, not bad to BSing my way through that course

anddd who knows what I got in Social Psych but I dont feel bad or good about it. Hopefully I get a B but it all depends on my term project and my final but I feel pretty good about my final

Courses for next semester:
Philosophy - Critical thinking

Psychology - Hstory of Modern Psychology 9Ive already started reading my textbook and I just finished my exams yesterday (and yes I'm actually that excited)

English - Studies in Drama. Not ridiculously stoked for this course but I think I'll give it a try I might get into it.


I already said I love you to Nick. Did it right after he puked in the bushes of our friend Scotts house after a Moustaches and Miniskirts party in the middle of chilly November. I meant it when i said it. Lately I'm not so sure, mostly because my head is fucked and its all in my brain that we aren't getting along. I just need to be more happy go lucky kinda girl. But I also need a bit more affection tooooo. I'm going to tell him before I leave for Winnipeg on Sunday that I'm sorry for being a stresscase and probably not the best girlfriend and that I hope he isn't too Fed up with me.

A quote I read from my planner from last year
"The past is a very important part of ones life but one must sometimes let it go in order to move on with one's future."

Check out this poem I wrote in May, 7th, 2007.

exactly as its written in my journal

Untitled.


she slips down her dark hallway
and out the door to the cold and
dark blanket that is her life
the one moment she owns as she
sits alone in the dark
inhaling the death that is her life
as it whithers away to cling to her
lungs and slowly strangle her
she wishes...
she wants to escape and fly
but she is bound to the life she has
created and pretends to live
it could change she could change
but it wont, she wont make it happen
shes too tired. maybe tomorrow she hopes.
they all think shes fine, pushing through it,
but shes not. she needs a
C H A N G E

shiny birthdays

for Ni's bday im going to steal him the streetsign with his last name on it and im going to buy him a mini fridge for his lil basement and fill it with nibs cause its his favorite candy, maybe buy some sexy chocolate paint and whipped cream, fill it up with goodies, wear sexy outfit, make him a card with a heart of nibs of it and something funn and quirky and true on the inside. maybe i could get him a magic bullet too. and a book with tattoo stuff in it that he likes. and then last of all. im going to stand on his bed and tell him to close his eyes because i have one last gift for him and he will close his eyes and smile and make a dumb joke. and then i'll hesitate because im scared and i want to say it right. and then ill say i love you and kiss him. happy birthday and newyear!! i dont even want him to say it back, because thats not what its about. i just want to let him know.

for his fam ill get ollie a doggy bone and lorie some expresso stuff and some chocolate and baileys and make it all cutesy

because i really think i love him. no doubt about it.

Puddles

Puddles

greedy divots
littles lakes of havoc
tiny feet
erupt dissatisfaction
emmiting joy
innocence always wins

Doc

Went to the doctor.. he prescribed me to a celebmed. not going to say which because im still scared people that i know see this.. but i have yet to notice anything, allthough that is expected he says it could take a few weeks. blah

also i have S thoughts everyday. I think a therapist may be good for me

also since i went to the doc i have pretty much just given up on everything that i, stressed out about. my midterm. the apt. my relationships. i just dont care. dont really think thats a good thing though.

gamble everything for love has got to be one of my favorite songs ever ever. its by ben lee

Scared

I'm so scared right now..

Something is really happening to me and I dont understand it at all. I'm just hit with scaredness/aloneness/idontevenfuckingknow. I get scared and short of breath and full of anxiety and I just cry. I feel like everyone thinks im weird and that I dont fit in with normal conversations. no one gets it, K is really trying she cares, but my other friends aren't around or asking me how im doing. H seems mad at me which i think is really getting to me. i try so hard to make everyone like me and it doesnt seem to be working. sometimes i have these thoughts that i dont know how to organize... its like my body is not my own or like i dont have control over what im doing/ my life? i just cant do it. i dont feel like myself. i convince myself that Ni doesnt care, that he has better things to do, that he thinks im annoying or in the way. thats how i feel today. and just a few days agoi was writing in my journal about how i think im falling in love with him. then i shouldnt have thoughts like i am today. i wish it was all just easier. normal people dont think like this and i wish i was just normal and i just didnt have to care about any of this. im just so alone and i dont know what to do. i want to just stay alone all day and hide from everyone because really the only time i feel really good is when im lying with ni and falling asleep. i feel safe and i dont have to talk or explain or do anything. and its not right to just tell anyone about my thoughts. i dont want to make them feel like they have to care. and they will just think im weird or crazy anyway. its just so scary im actually so scared ahhhhhhh. why the fuck am i crying right now!! stop it! i didnt do anything stressfultoday. at all. i wrote a midterm that i was prepared for and did fine. then i went shopping and got stuff that made me feel good. a curling iron. face lotion and soap. clothes. im thinking its just like theres no point at all anymore. and its so retarded because i just wrote that everything i was doing was the point of life the other day. i dont understand why my thoughts are so scattered. im going to go to sleep.

I think... That sometimes I write things that are pretty legitimate.

Other times not so much.

I just felt proud of myself, which was nice.

But now I'm going to jump headfirst into my endless black hole of Social Psychology and FUNdamentals of Business. Which by the way if your wondering, isn't very fun.

I actually wrote this befoe my last post and never actually posted it

Almost had a panic attack on the skytrain today, that was weird. I don't really know what that was all about.

I am verging on freaking out about my (oh no) 3 whole classes. Like, get serious N, it cant be thattt much work. People take 5 classes and work so what am I whining about. I have two midterms next week. One of which is on 5 chapters, and my business one which is Chapters 1-7 and I haven't even taken the textbook out of its wrapping yet. GOD. Plus another midterm the week after that. Did I mention that I have to meet with 2 different groups as our project outlines are due as well? Great

I mean that's all fine and dandy and sure, I COULD get all that done. But unfortunately I have a game tomorrow which takes up my time from 1pm on. and work all day saturday, and practice again on sunday, then i work on monday, and whoa there we go! My mid term in on tuesday.

I'm such a complainer. Why dont I just stop writing on here and start researching or reviewing for my papers and projects?

What I should really do is go see a doctor to explain why I am constantly tired, unmotivated, sad, teary, irritable, dont want to do anything, wish that I get hit by a car so i can go into critical condition and stop having to worry about everyday issues. That would be nice. I almost fainted when I was walking up the hill today. I just constantly feel like I'm unsteady.

Guess it doesn't help that I am dealing with breaking my lease at my old apartment and that my old roommates are being really hard to deal with and I feel like I am doing everything myself. I just cant do it all anymore. I just want to give up and quit. All of it. No, I'm not talking suicide, I'm not that emo, but fuck this is so annoying I never enjoy anything I do.

sdlskdjflkjsdklfjsldkjf

this is such an unlegit post. look what I've sunk to. Oooo pity me I'm a sad girl. God I'm pathetic.

One Two Another

"I'm glad I decided to wear this sweater today rather than my coat. If I wore my coat I would be way too hot. This sweater is perfect for today.."

Sweater is biege.. closer to dark brown because of all the dirt smeared onto it. Holes all over his pants and withered shoes.

Imagine if you one had the choice between wearing one sweater and one coat everyday.

How lucky we are and how unfortunate are others.

---

I walked by a man on W4th and he had a small clump of tissues and one water bottle.

To take a shower and bath himself.

Imagine if you didnt ever have access to a bathroom.

---

Literally makes me want to cry

Fit

Interesting Fact:

If you are walking up a hill the best way to do it is to walk in a zig zagged line. It puts less strain on your knees and you can make larger strides. Try it out one day.

#2:

Those statues of soldier on horses. You know if they died in battle if the horse is back on its hind legs. I one leg is raised I think it means they died of natural causes. There are multiple meanings, but look it up isnt that so cool! Hoe many people see those statues and don't even think about it.

How many people do.

Night

The sound of Debeck is different than 13th and Hemlock.

I don't hear the rustle of the trees, the sirens, the shuffles of drunk trendy people on their was home. The people next door fighting or people on their patios. My roommates having sex or the creeks of the apartment.

I hear silent noise. Trucks on their way to the highway entrance. Every so often the skytrain rushing past. An apple dropping into my neighbours yard. My other neighbours cat rushing across the street. Even so, my other neighbour practicing his heavy metal music.

I don't know if I like it but one things for sure, I am home.

Let me tell you a story

Back when I was in highschool.. Oh i dunno, about sixteen or seventeen I was having one of those extended bad weeks. I was fighting with my mom.. School sucked.. Fed up with my friends.. All the typical stuff that makes a teenager frusterated and sad, but none the less it is all still a problem and stressful for a girl.

Immediately after yelling back and forth with my mom and hiding in my room I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I snuck out the door. And down the flight of stairs to sit at the bottom and smoke the cigarette I stole from my mom.

I sat there. Silent and still in appearence, but buzzing and screaming and thinking a thousand things at once. Mostly helpnessness, feelings of out of control.. Basically exceptional frustration. These nights where I became overwhelmed usually frequented every few months. And every few months I would sneak out and sit still on those steps.

For some reason that night I stood up. And I walked the thirty steps out to my street and I turned and looked down my street to the busyness and the river and all the lights of the peoples homes I would never know and I let out a huge sigh. And then, for no reason at all I tilted my head back to look at the stars. The moment I looked up a huge star shot across the sky and then dissapeared. Just like that. a shooting star in the middle of the night when there was no mention of a meteor shower or anyting. I wouldn't of seen it if I was a second late or early. I wouldn't of seen it if I hadn't tilted my head back. I wouldn't of seen it if I didn't randomly walk out to my street. But I was supposed to see that star.

And that my friends is why life is beautiful. Why I don't give up. And why I believe everything happens for a reason.

Also why I love stars and have a tattoo.

Hello.

Long time no talk.

So I am still unhappy, however, I figured out why and am fixing it more and more with every day.

Much diff from a few months back.

I moved downtown with the Ging and Jack and for three months we partied and lived and were messy as fuck and I got in the biggest fight of my life with Ging. This fight made me realize more than I ever thought was possible. This fight helped answer a lot of questions I haven't had answers to for a few years. Such as why do I depend on someone so much when they make me feel shitty more than they make me happy? The fight also taught me how to be an individual. Feel bad for me, call me young and stupid, ignorant, whatever. But I didn't make a decision unless I talked to Ging about it. I did this because me and my stupid personality cared SO much about her, that I cared so much, that I needed to not ask, but talk to her about it because I valued her opinion more than my own. That does'nt work when one is making decisions for their own life.

Anywhoo.

Now I am moving out and back to my moms place. But my mom moves to Winnipeg on Saturday. Yah Saturday. This is effecting me way more than I thought it would. I am really sad about that. Mostly because we are so much closer than we were. And also that it is more of a reminder that now the only parent in my vicinity is incapaple of being human. Bastard.

But this is exciting news that I'm moving!! I don't need to live with two dirty girls anymore. I love you ladies but seriously, get rid of your beer cans and slurpee cups that are a month old in out living room. SERIOUSLY drive me up the wall. I cant wait to be organized. I cant wait to live on my own. I cant wait to be me without her.

I'mm moving in with Stace's boyfried Nick. This can be confusing because my boyfriends name is Nick too. Say whaaaaaat I have a boyfriend!? Sweet.

Not that anyone reads my blog except for a few followers of whom I appreciate so much, but back in February on my birthday, I may of had a sleepover with an old fling of mine from 06. I may have made note in my blog about it and sounded like a huge slut for having a "one night stand" But we ended up going on some dates and hanging out and getting to know eachother. Maybe I'll waste time in another post, but for now, in the present, I am happy with where we are, I think we are really started to realllllllly care for eachothers beings. The comfort level is there. I love when he has to work and he goes to kiss me goodbye and he doesn't want to leave. I am started to really be my trueself to him, letting him accept me for all my quirks and oddness and apparently what he thinks is "cute". I like talking to him, just being with him, lying with him, hugging him, cuddling him, eating places with him.. We have a long ass way to go, but as I get to know him, I get to learn what a real relationship is. One that can be built on, one where you really appreciate and respect eachother, one that I mean absolutely no harm too, one that is just so adorable so much of the time. And he really does like me too, for me.

Anyway, I kinda like him. in my wayyyyyyy back posts he is knows as mr. red hot. haha... what a guy.


I also am a cheerleader/dancer for a very large corporation!.. It's amazing and I might get to go away to support my team!.. I really like being part of a team, plus now that I'm back into dancing myself and K are going to tryout to dance on cruise ship ands travel the mediterranean.

---

However enough of this filler updating.

in my current apartment i have a patio where i can sit, smoke, and listen to the beautiful trees lean from side to side in the wind while their leaves make sense of my thoughts and then whisper them back to me.

i think that sarcasm is a verrrrrrrry interesting subject. I dont like it. sarcastic people mean alot of what they say. and everything they you say is usually mean. people need to spend more time showing people they care about that they actually care instead of putting them down and the regreting it later.

i am still sad, euyore, sleepy sad. where my eyes just dont want to open as wide, where when i am walking to the bus and no one is looking at me i can feel my face in its full being, frowning. where everyday i really do wish i could sleep all day and not go to my 1 of 3 jobs. where when my phone dies im tempted to leave it off so that i dont have to talk to anyone. tears flow easily but more unexpectedly, i am weak, but i have recognized it, and i will try to fill my life with more things that really do make me happy.

i make decisions for myself now and i call people out when they say shit. i am honest. and more myself then i ever have been.

--

i feel like i just stood on top of a telephone booth shouting at the top of my lungs, grabbing all the dust and static in the air, pulling it in, and stuffing it into the booth where its all stuck trying to make sense of a string of thoughts that has been cut into a million pieces. just pick up the phone and it will all be heard on the other side.

Interesting

I have been very absent from this blog and have gone from checking in daily to not even going onto the computer. It is sad to say I may have dropped back into depression. I'm really working hard to get out but the familiar feelings are returning in such a powerful and familiar maner. manor? manner? The worst part is that in the past I knew why I was so unhappy. Now, I have no clue why these feelings are returning and that thought really scares me because 1, I dont know how to get out, and 2, I dont feel as if I have any control.

Boo.

Maybe I'll just start writing more.

Sorry for the morbidness I wish it wasn't

shameful behaviour

It took me almost two packs of menthal to figure out how to actually inhale properly ( I know how to inhale but bot as good as I do now) SHAME ON ME!

Good thing I vowed not to buy another pack for 3 months! And by that time I will of nicked the habit right in the butt!

No pun intended.

Good thing I realized I only like smoking because it gives me time to myself to reflect and just be alone, outside, at night; my favorite place. Bad thing I need to choose such a murdering activity to do so.



---

the Canucks are up 2 to 1 in the 3rd and we're looking pretty unstoppable! GO CANUCKS GO!

focus

i figured out why i prefer photographs to real life/digital pics
cause only one thing is in focus in real life when you look at it.

and then in digital cameras everything is in focus. this is not what we see with our eyes so that is why it is not personal or the same as real life. this is why i prefer pics like the above much closer to what we see with our own soulspots.

this post is far too rushed but i needed to get the idea out and it is 5:10 in the morning eek!

Counseller? Spelling?

I am going to seek out a counseller at my school tomorrow and I need to sort out my thoughts becuase I only get three sessions before they decide if I further need more help. And I can't afford to talk to a real one AND I don't know if I really need help in the first place. I feel like some problems are stopping me from continuing to evolve as a person. I think?

-I have unsettled issues with my dad. I really do feel hate towards him and I know that it is justified but it is so strong. I dont want to confront him but feel that I should. About him never needed to talk to his kids. His new life. His selfishness. No good memories of him at all growing up, or maybe the negative ones are just overpowering them. No respect for him, possibly steming from the time he threw me only my bed and hurt me that time that he told me to leave the house if I didn't want to follow his rules and then I agreed and decided to leave

-Mom constantly letting me down. Never following through on plans. Taking her problems out on me. Saying mean things to me. Using me.

-I don't think I can rely on anyone. K has way to many issues and I normally would but the focus should be on her when me talk. Ginger, the closest one of anyone, she does understand a lot and listens to me anytime I need to talk. But of course she cannot relate to these issues and sometims is vacant even though she tries to understand. Obviosuly not my parents. Only myself and my thoughts in a spiraling circle

-lesbionic thoughts? not sure? The whole event at KC. How I am attracted to G but at the same time I am not. I think it may just be that I care So much about her but I keep noticing these little things and I'm not even trying to. I think it's just my brain fucking wiht me. But why did I do that? It's just so weird and I dont know how to deal.

-Rape. Was it rape? Why do I want sex, but when it happens there is a void. I want it to be over. I think I am doing something wrong. I want to satisfy the other person much more than myself. Sometimes I want to myself. I wish I could be like Ging and just want ot experiment and explore and try new things but it is scary and I cant change that . Will it ever change?

-What the F to do with my life I am going nowhere, but I am going somewhere just not really exactly where I want to be

There is something else that the hell is it?

On one hand I think I am just another young adult that has issues just liek everyone else. Are mine more severe? Can't I just figure all of this out on my own? Am I being selfish and narcissistic to think that I need to go for help cause I'm special or something?

MaMa Moo`s Prompt - Normal is...

Normal is Normal.
Is normal the average waist size? Are you un-normal if your bigger or smaller than the average? If you want to look at it statistically then normal would be the average wouldn't it? Good thing the world doesnt work that way.

Normal is you.

Normal is how YOU deal with your daily struggles, your traumatic experiences, your friendships and family.. Normal is your life because everyone's life is different so how could we possibly settle on the norm. I've thought the word normal so many times in my head that it doesn't even sound like a word anymore. Is it normal that a someone has the capacity to kill numerous people? It isn't to me but it's just another day in the life of a psychopath serial killer.

The issue with the norm is that it's a constant flucuation, and it will never rest in one spot. It will always be just out of your grasp. Once you accept yourself AS yourself and everything you are, you will realize your normal. And once you have this, the world is yours. You can never be everyones norm, so always create your own and go from there.

One last thing. Never be Normal, Be Exceptional.

elahni elahxe

I suck you in


You suck me in


I steal your life


I come in many shapes in sizes


I will cost you thousands


You hate me


You need me


I solve you`re problems


And give you bigger ones


You wish you never met me


I infect you


I am slow motion suicide


Please put me out

+ and -

+ Plus +

-caffeine eyes

-the night

-kisses on the forehead

-cuddling

-when ruby smiles

-lists

-stars

-proper families

-remembering what you forgot

-flirting

-cinema/ cinema commentaries

-realizing you are over it

-confidence

-leaves stained into the sidewalk

-being alone

-walking around naked

-feeling truely attractive

-sushi

-opening credits

-appies and conversation

-adventures alone

-lyrics

-beats

-pure amusment

-being in the moment

-organic

-family

-butterflies

-signs

-waking up energized and optimistic

-thinking about what strangers lives are like

-philosophy

-black and white

-photography

-the couplebug

-lying in bed with the him of the time

-the idea of love

-getting ready to go out

-sleepover talks with my girlfriends

-

- Minus -

-fakeness

-being used

-global warming

-dirty dishes

-being called a 'bitch'

-procrastination

-no one to cuddle with

-regret

-mom and her doddling and impatience

-broken phones

-thinking about money all the time

-empty promises

-sleeping all day

-wasting potential

-blacking out

-ostracism

-

anddd ill just add a spot for my fav lyrics <3

-beautiful insanity-

-one love, im one away-

-it rained so hard it felt like snow-

-taken to the floor with a reach to the sky-

-counting on the night for a beautiful day-

-im too young to feel this old-

-nobody knows, nobody sees, nodoby but me-

Geeeeuilt

So, you know when you feel unwelcome in your own house?

my roomie is mad at me? i think? It's this thing that's been happening.. real slow.. comment by comment, pick by pick she is breaking me. I wish I was stripped from the powers of emotion. I should NOT feel bad about anything!

Friday. my birthday. she is so short with me! so laughy with Lo and I try, I try so hard to talk to her. I even ask her if she is mad at me. And she laughed, said she wasn't and then turned to a friend and didn't actually respond to me at all. I hardly saw her the whole night.. At the end she told me that I was being mean to Cooker because I was flirting with him (so what it's my birthday and we always flirt) and then she told me I'm not allowed to talk to Pat and told me I shouldn't give my number to him.. Not Fair! I told him we should ALL party AND I gave him her number. gosh. I wish she realized a little bit that I have no. Zero. bad intentions for her. Then she kept accusing me of flittering off the whole night. welll sorrry I was having fun on my birthday. Apparently it's my fault that she didn't look into her phone.. Didn't even say goodbye. and just left and went home. Not excited about this new/old interest of mine. I just don't understand.. She told Lo that she feels mad at me and she doesn't know why. I wish that she could communicate her feelings to me. As well as I know her I can't tell if she is aware of this. This isn't everything there is so much. So many guilt stabs. the "fineees" and "I guess so" so unessecary. maybe im overreacting. but none the less I am hurt and she is aware of that at least a little bit. And she does nothing to solve it or address it. It hurts my feelings. alot. I want to talk to her about it but I don't think she will say anything I think she will just brush it off like it's nothing to her. But it's something to me.


It's always something to me and is never anything to her. I am always on this side of any relationship. I need to push the off button on my brain. That would be refreshing.

u

when you talk talk talk

all i hear is sex sex sex

Mama - 5.) Write about something mean you did to a sibling growing up.

5.) Write about something mean you did to a sibling growing up.

So the story that I find I usually tell people about growing up related to mean a nastymean sister is the story of my brother and the eyelash incident.

As a kid at the age of four all I really wanted was to everyone to look at me all the time, apparently my family didn't agree with this. Everyone was always complimenting my brother on his huge beautiful blue eyes and how amazingly long eyelashes he has and how cute he is yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah, I was very jealous of him. I had merely hazel eyes and acceptable eyelashes and foudn myself to be second guess. One day when my mom was busy dusting the dining room that no one entered I told my brother it was time for a haircut. His two year old self told me he was hestitant about this because he thinks im going to "do a bad to [him]" but i assured him otherwise. I went to the kitchen and got those huge black kitchen scissors that every hoousehold has, (I later learned they are form IKEA) and I plopped my bro down on the toilet. I then continued to come slicingly close to my brothers eye as i cut off his beautiful eyelashes and he was left looking completely different. My mom cried as she instantly recognized which made my brother cry and then me cry because I didnt really realize the damage that this causes one. His eyes were left naked, he looked so different!. To this day allthough my brother still has teh ability to influence someone for a lifetime with his eyes, his eyelashes have never fully grown back and will forever remain average. Yearly at our family dinners this story comes up and I will be reminded of my childish ways for the remainder of my existence.

the end

Story #1 in CRWR

[1,830 Words]
I tightened my grip on the ribbon laced through my fingers. A red balloon bobs behind me as I quickly walk down the street and head to the park. Good thing it’s four in the morning and no one is out. This isn’t the sort of thing you want anyone to see; they would ask too many questions, and judge me whether I told them what I was doing or not. Unsure of exactly where to go I head to the nearest park bench and take a seat. I feel so stupid here, is this really going to do anything? A minute or two goes by and I search for a sign, something for me to go home but nothing happens. Guess it’s just me and my balloon. I know eventually I’m going to have to let this ribbon go. Eventually the sun will rise and people will carry on with their lives. Eventually I will watch this balloon float into the sky and disappear from my sight, but not quite yet.
Two years ago I met Jared. Jared was the guy that gave you his jacket when you were cold; he paid for your dinner not because he thought that guys should but because he wanted to. Jared was the guy that every girl wished her boyfriend would be, and I had Jared. Every Wednesday I had night school at ten and then I’d take the 410 bus home. Conveniently, Jared had practice every Wednesday night. I noticed him because he was always apologizing for hitting people with his big sports bag as he walked down the aisle of the bus. One day he ended up plopping down beside me and caught me looking at the odd shaped ball he was holding.
“I bet you want to know what this is,” he said sitting up in his seat and spinning the ball round in his hands. “This is a Rugby ball.” He stated proudly, holding it up and admiring it as if it were his most prized possession. He looked at me, searching for shared enthusiasm but was greeted by confusion. Apparently he took this as an excuse to tell me all about how Rugby is the best sport ever invented. If it were anyone else I would have just got up and switched seats as politely as possible, but for some reason, I couldn’t stop staring at his tanned face and his freckled nose, and how if he was really excited about something he would lift up his hat and place it exactly back where it was before. He must have noticed I had been staring at him with a blank face for a while because he stopped explaining the difference between a Try and a Conversion in mid-sentence, “I’m Jared by the way, and sorry for my rambling I’ve just started playing this year so it’s still new and exciting. What’s your name?”
“My name is Leona.” I said placing my hand out in front of me.
“Leona,” he repeated grabbing my hand and giving it a gently squeeze. “That’s a very nice name I’ve never heard it before. It suits you very well.”
“Well you don’t even know me, how would you know if it suits me?” I said before I could stop myself.
“Well,” he said, leaving a few seconds for good measure, “I don’t really know actually. All I know for sure is that I want to know more.”
Every week from then on we would meet on the bus and talk. Sometimes he would miss his stop because we were talking so much so eventually he asked for my number and the hopeless romantic in me had to give it to him. I guess the difference between Jared and every other guy was that he really was interested in anything I had to say. Almost everyone else just waits for their turn to speak but I would always catch him just listening and smiling at me with his goofy smile, waiting for me to continue. I guess that’s why we could talk for so long because I would do the exact same thing with him. It wasn’t surprising that after a year it seemed as though we had known each other for our whole lives. He would tell me of his plans for our future where we would get our own place and be those lame couples that go for walks and are so in love. All this talk would normally scare the shit out of me but for some reason I didn’t mind with him. He was always so passionate about everything in his life, including me. I never thought I could know someone as well as I thought I knew Jared.
A few months ago I was at lunch with my girlfriends telling them how I`ve been sick lately and how I`ve been eating way more than usual when one of them suggested I could be pregnant as a joke. I almost chocked on my food as I laughed and reassured them that was impossible. I recounted the story to Jared later on that day, and he gave me this look I`d never ever seen before. Not really sure of how to react I said, “Would it really be so horrible if I was?”
“Of course not babe, it’s just that we don’t need to talk about any of that until the time comes.” He pulled me closer and kissed me on the forehead. “I better get going,” he said. “I’m pretty tired and I have to work early tomorrow.” I lay awake all night that night. It wasn’t just the fact that I could actually be pregnant; it was more because he usually slept over at my house during the week.
A week later we were sitting on my couch watching a movie when I couldn’t contain myself anymore. “I’m pregnant Jared,” I said, covering my mouth with my hands. “And I don’t know what to do.”
He stared at me for what seemed like minutes and then pushed me away form him very slowly. “How could you do this to us?” He said shaking his head.
“I didn’t do anything!” I said just wanting to make him happy. I’d do whatever he wanted, which right now seemed to be to make him to stop looking at me like he didn’t recognize me. “I’m sorry okay; I just need to know what you want to do so we can make plans.” As soon as I spoke the words I instantly wished I could take them back.
“Make plans?” He stood up, “Look Leona, this is a lot of news all at once, I need to think about it okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He grabbed his coat and left without another word I was left alone in my apartment without any questions answered and without anyone to comfort me.
Think about what? This wasn’t the Jared I knew. The Jared I knew would be beside me telling me we will figure it out. Telling me everything is going to be okay, and promising me he will be there for me. Jared didn’t call me the next day, or the day after that. I tried to get a hold of him and he wouldn’t even answer my calls. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I wanted him to love me again.
The abortion was nothing like I expected. I thought it would be a changing experience and wished the procedure was different. It was similar to getting your wisdom teeth pulled. Everyone was so calm and formal, they talked me through what was about to happen, drugged me, then everything went hazy while they took care of business, I rested for a while until the drugs wore off, and then I was out the door. I was left feeling emotionless and more than anything else like I had done the wrong thing. I didn’t even bother to call Jared as I headed straight for his place. It had been nearly three weeks since we had talked more than a few words to each other but I knew he just needed his space and now everything could go back to the way it was. I knocked on the door urgently and was so glad to see his face when he answered.
I hung my arms around his neck and told him not to worry that everything had been taken care of. I told him all I had been thinking about for the past three weeks was how he would be so happy that we could go back to the way we were. He hugged me back but then held me out at arms length. “Leona, it’s not that easy. When I you told me you were pregnant it made me realize that I don’t want to be with you. I can’t share my life with someone I know I won’t be with in the future. I’m sorry.” I have lost count of the number of times I have replayed those last words in my head.
I never thought I was capable of so much pain. My world had been like yahtzee, I was just tossed into a cup, shook around and thrown out something completely different than before. This wasn’t a physical pain, a pain that sometimes can be so strong you feel like you might loose consciousness, this was an emotional pain. The pain of losing someone, something, forever and knowing you will never touch, talk, create, or enjoy anything with them again. This kind of pain hurts you in such a strong and powerful way, it’s like a cut that never heals. It makes you feel empty. It wasn’t until just yesterday I felt like my wounds might heal.
I twirled the end up the ribbon in my hand and oddly smiled at the last two years of my life. I watched the sun peak over the horizon at me as she gently lit up the world to start a new day. Taking a deep breath, I got up from the bench and away from all the trees and into the middle of a clearing. Reaching my hand as high as I could I released my grip on the ribbon and watched it unravel through my fingers. Faster than I intended it was up and out of reach. I watched the red balloon twirl into the sky until it turned into just a little dot and then just like that it was gone. Walking back to my apartment I felt like a whole new person. I had lost the person I thought I cared about most, and given up an opportunity to bring someone new into this life, but I hadn`t lost myself. For the first time in a long time, everything was just as it should be, everything was calm again.


-so this story had to be writtin in 1st person which i am starting to get bored with. I left it till the last second so i like the balloon idea but i think i could have done much MUCH better. the relationship part doesnt reallly feel believable and i think the concept of the two types of pain could of had a more powerful message. stronger final paragraph??? what do you think?

my bday partay was yesterday night, and i saw him and i went for him and he is so attractive i dont even know what to do with myself. i cannot wait to see him again. i played it cool too. sexperiences are fun.

Secret

Secret: Today, I was celebrating my birthday randomly with marc etcetera and on the way home when i was drunk i got off the bus, pretend made friends with this guy, bummed a cigarette off him and then smoked it all the way home. ginger would be so dissapointed in me and i would be so dissapointed in myself she found out but im not until that day comes. i wonder if that actually makes sense or like why the fuck shouldn't i just feel bad about it from the get-go?

is this not just another everyday occurance for most people?

also ginger payed me a very nice compliment today, she said she really liked the victoria pictures and that i did a nice job on them. that made me feel really nice. thank you gingy! <3

MaMA

Directions:
For you newbies it's never to late to jump in!! Here is what you must do. Choose a prompt that inspires you most. Write. Come back Thursday and paste your blog URL into the Mister Linky that will be up...this way anyone can click on your name and head over to your place to see what you wrote.

prompt from mama

4.) Write a list of ten things on your mind this week.

1. my birthday dinner with my father who shares my bday with me. i dont like that we share it because he is selfish. i had to call him and force plans down his throat. i told him to think about what to do and call me back and he has failed to do so. our birthday is tomorrow and i dont know what we are doing.

2. if my bdya plans for friday are going to work out or not. will i have a nice time? will i actually talk to people or will so many peeps be there that i will feel like im ignoring people. i think it will be really fun

3. school school school. i need to finish th reviews for my creative writing workshop. i need to fill out that questionnaire, start writing my short story, read ch 13, read ch 3, discussion questions, and write the three page essay for hums. all by thursday.

4. me and gingers dirty ass house and how it needs to be cleaned.

5. how many mirage fundraiser tickets we will sell

6. will our cup plans for our amazing airband sort themselves out? i want to win. period. if not, non-existant tears will exude from my heart and fall. no one will see them but me.

7. probably the amounts of money i am wasting

8. how unhealthy i eat and how i waste money on food. probably how i should work out more

9. i will probably try to fit in at work or something more and get nervous and akward but everyone will fail to notice and on my mind will be all the things that no one thinks of. as always. this is a weekly occurrence

10. who could go a week and not think about some kind of boy?

a shitty beginning but i really like these prompts. props to you mama!

Twenty

So today is my birthday and I am twenty years old. I think about where I was a year ago and how much I have learned matured evolved changed since then. Thought I would recap exactly where I am right so that next year I will have a legit reference!

-I am completely happy being independent. Me and ginger have our place and I am no longer living with my mom. We have plans of possibly moving in with Drew and Dave, or the possibility of taking over my moms place with Lo as well and getting over our mediocre place here. although i still like it.

-I am enjoying being single. im not hooking up with anyone. and for the first time in my life i am okay with not wanting/liking/having a boy. if a relationship is going to happen itll happen, you cant force that shit! and worrying about it all of the time is just time consuming and pointless.
---that being said, i have a short stint with jeremiah where i let him get to me but im glad thats over! thank god he was a cocky son of a bitch
---me and mr nothing chat every once and a while but who knows about that. i think. next time he is in town its ultimatum time. "you know (insert name), i have a lot of fun with you and your a pretty awesome guy. you obviously know i have something for you, but i dont want this up in the air shit where we will talk all the time and then randomly not for a long time. im not saying that i want to go out with you. i am saying that you've got one more chance. so think about it, make up your mind, and call me if you want. goodnight :)"
---when i broke up with sids 8 months ago i was so sad and i thought i was in love with him possibly and i didnt know how long it would take for me to get over him. i am OVER him. applause please! he was an asshole, still is, and is selfish. and he doenst even know it! i pity you sids and i hope one day you figure it out.
---i still think about n ick. pretty often. he is so frickin hot
-im really liking work but making shit money. i want to transfer to thurlow, gi, or a new restaurant. i really think my group of friends at work is real and value them so much. thank god for work!! yayy!!!! im also doing well serving i believe

-i am enjoying my psych classes and keeping up (for the most part) with school. i think i want to me a psychologist, psychiatrist, maybe work with handicapped people, children, or ppl with mental problems or that have been abused or traumatized in their lives.

-i have anger about my dad and i dont know how to deal with it.

-me and KK are as close as ever! she is going through alot and i just want to be the best friend that i can be. i love her so much and hope that she realizes what she is worth. i dont want anything to change with us or anything to happen to her. if she dies from this i don think i would ever recover. i thnk about her everysingle day and we really do think on the same level. im glad she shares my optimism and dreams and accepts me for who i am. ah the journey of life.

- i think i need a therapist and could be slightly depressed and/or was despressed.

-------------

what do i want from my twentieth year of life?

-a trip of some sort
-to save a decent amount of money
-to fall in love
-do something ive never done before
-be truthful all the time
-make time for the people i care about
-be a bit less lazy
-not talk bad aout people
-dont comment on ppls appearences when i approach them. compliment on the inside stuff
-confront the ppl that need to be confronted
-make an advance about my future?
-fucking organize my music and keep up with it!
-see hedley at least once

i think thats it.

thankyou for your time.

I am sitting in the cafeteria studying and am somewhat reviewing my material. that doesn`t matter anyway. i find that i am fine with fialing my expectations when no one knows what my expectations are. when i am at home in my bed studying i am fine with falling asleep. when i am sitting here in front of other students. if i am not studying i am falling behind in the race. they all knwo im not achieving something. im not better than them. if i think someone is watching me i can focus better on studying (or pretending to study) rather than procrastinating.

procrastination

I have a psyc midterm tomorrow.

I have a lot of studying to do.

I am blogging, facebooking, hotmailing, reading, thinking.

I am anything but my psyc text.

I am everything procrastination is made of.

My abillity to achieve nothing exceeds every and all.

TMI

Soo originally I had this on facebook and I really liked the idea of it. But now I feel it's a little but of TMI and people dont need to know all of this. Regardless I am glad I did it but I would rather have it on this blog where I can remain annonymous.

The purpose was to write 16 things, random, or whatever you feel and what people dont know about it.

Sooo I'm super scared to start this this but kudos to Candice for being the first, and Mona to second her and give me courage haha.. This note isn't here to reveal information to my friends. It is here because I wanted to realize more about myself that I didn't already know.. You only live once right?

1. I know everyone has a screwed up family (or most) but I really do think mine is extra retarded. I have basically raised myself (and secretly my brother) since I was 12. I can't tell if as a result of this my childhood was a good thing because I am now a stronger person that I would of been... Or if it has traumatized me and I will never fully recover.

2.I have no idea why I do this but I lie about stupid things everyday for absolutely no reason, and I have been doing it since elementary school. For example. "Hey Natalie, do you watch Family Guy?" me-"Yah! I love it it's so funny" and then the person will proceed to say a funny episode where Peter wishes he had no bones (which is the only episode I really remember) and I will laugh and pretend to know what they are talking about. I do stupid shit like this everyday almsot without even thinking about it. Sometimes I dont even realize I lied until the conversation is over. It's SO weird..

3. I do not appreciate negative people. Being pessimistic will never help a situation. Neither will complaining about how tired/hungover/how you have a weird ache in your back ever influence someone for the better. If you complain or are negative on a daily basis you have a problem and should realize it! I pride myself on being a generally happy and poistive person. Even if things are bad, try to stay optimistic about it.. I swear it helps!

4.I hate this conversation

Ignoramous - WOWWW you're a gymnast? So you can do flips and stuff right!?

me: Well I was a gymnast, and yea i did flips and stuff

Ignoramous: DO A FLIP!!

Me: no thanks.

Ignoramous: So you're basically a dancer right? You twirl that ribbon and throw that ball in the air and stuff?

me: No I am not a dancer, and no I don't twirl a ribbon and occasionally jump. I did Vault, Bars, Beam, and Floor for ten years.. Completely different than Rythmic Gymnastics

Ignoramous: SO you must be realllly flexible right??

me: DONT ASK ME THIS! Yes when I was doing gym I was very flexible, I still am quite flexible. No, I cannot turn myself into a human pretzel and stop thinking of weird sexual positions we could do. gross.

Thank god for Gymnastics because it taught me so much about life. If I didn't spend 30 hours a week all through highschool I would probably be a huge druggie, a promiscuous slut, and most likely on the streets doing crack or something.

5. I have a huge issue with confrontation. I hardly ever get mad at people even when I should be, and let people get away with walking all over me all the time. I am too trusting and give people way too many chances because I like making other people happy and enjoy going out of my way for people. The problem is that I put people ahead of myself so often that I never deal with my own needs or issues.

6. On that note I have three major issues/conversations that I need to deal with before I can move on with my life. I need to confront my Dad about how he has ruined our relationship by transforming into a completely different person and never talks to his kids anymore. Confront my Mom and tell her I am not her best friend, and she cant take everything out on me/tell me every detail of her life/ be crazy just becasue she knows I will forgive her. And one last thing I don't want to talk about on here (sorry too personal!) All of these issues have been here for years yet I still haven't addressed them! hmmm...

7. I really wish I was funny. I always get too excited when telling jokes or stories and I tell the climax/punchline at the beginning because I get too excited! I think if I was more funny I wouldn't percieve myself as boring.

8.I really hate elevators, big crowds of people (especially when you can smell everyone if that makes any sense), big escalators, and if your in a group and you end up walking on the outside or sitting on the end of the table. I have nooo idea why

9. I worry about my brother every single day. I worry about his future, if he is going to turn out like Dad, his habits, his attitude, him being young and stupid with his friends, him driving way to fast, his everything.. I really wish he would realize his potential and DO something with it! :) I also wish he would be nicer to me and apologize when he knows he has been mean.

10. I find humans and their unique minds and behavior absolutely fascinating. Why each individual makes certain decisions, acts, talks, thinks, communicates, the way they live their life and deal with situations in such different ways.. It's crazy that we are all so different yet we all need to just eat and sleep at the end of the day.

11. I don't like the fact that I am very easily influenced by others. I think because when people I care about the most suggest something... Making them happy makes me happy so I will do it. Or when a friend gets something new or thinks something is really cool.. I will suddenly think its cool. I just want to be dconfident in my own decision without thinking about what everyone else thinks.

12. I get along and can easily carry a conversation with 9 out of 10 people I meet. However, that tenth person I run into either makes me SO nervous ( I hardly everrr get nervous around anyone), or I just cant carry a conversation with them for the life of me! The interesting thing is this is usually a person that everyone gets along with very easily, and is completely approachable and not intimidating. I just dont get it haha

13. I think I have a drinking problem. Not because I drink all the time, but because when I drink I usually get wassssted. It's either intentional (don't know why I want too so badly), or completely unintentional I just never stop drinking until every last drop of booze is gone. It scares me because waking up and not knowing how your night went on a weekly basis isnt fun. I have had enough horrible and embarassing experience involving alcohal that I should of learned by now... This is a new realization and I am slowly cutting down.. not on my 20th BDayy tho! Booyaaa!

14. People should really think before they open their mouth sometimes. Making complete fun of someone and then adding "just joking!" onto the end doesn't work all the time. Sometimes (most of the time) in my opinion people are self conscious or embarassed about whatever you brought up and they will think and stress about it for days, weeks years, who knows? Just think about it

15. My mind can run away with me alot of the time and I am so thankful for my bestfriends who keep me grounded and listen to me when I desperately need to talk and tell me that my assumptions about myself and others can be wrong. Put simply, you have helped me become the person I am today and I would be so lost without your support. <3

16. Lastly, I love just spending an after noon just doing absolutely nothing but talking with someone whether it be a complete stranger or family member or old/bestfriend. Especially people I already know well because if you can still do this then you know we arent just still friends because parts of our past are shared.

"Happyness is only real when shared"


PHEWF!

FOOD

Today I ate:
-A sandwhich consisting of ham, lettuce, ranch, mayo, chedda cheese.
-a spoonful of peanut butter
-a square and a half of peanut butter treats
-3 cups of coffee
-three mini brownies
-some chip mix... 2 handfuls maybe?

how unhealthy!! dance comp coming up. better suit up that stomach.

CRWR - Dialogue Str by Num con't

I sit in the waiting room of the 24-hour clinic sipping my umpteenth cup of water trying to cure myself of the horrible hangover I can feel swimming through my body. It’s almost ten o’clock in the morning and I desperately wish I was in my bed in a thoughtless sleep rather than planning out the best way to explain my completely embarrassing situation. I guess that’s what I deserve for partying with my 20 year old cousin Lyss. She always tells me I’m mature for being 15 so that’s why she takes me out. She’s usually always just around the corner eavesdropping on all my conversations and making sure her “dirty perverted” guy-friends don’t get any ideas, but where did she end up last night? I hardly remember seeing her after we got to the after-party.
I have my eyes squeezed shut in concentration, half trying to push my headache out through my ears and half trying to remember the last thing I did before I passed out. Drunken memories are always like reading a book with the pages ripped out of it. Chapter one, drinking games with Lyss’ friends. Chapter two, me losing three times in a row and having to chug that nasty cup filled with a ridiculous combo of scotch, vodka, beer, and coolers to the chants and high fives of everyone around me. Chapter 3, dancing in the living room, or was it the kitchen? Chapter 4?.. Chapter 5 is piecey yet vivid. I’m lying awkwardly on a couch and struggling with either Justin or Anthony, I always got the two of them confused. Either way, a satisfied grin crawls across his face as he holds both my arms back with ease. I distinctly remember his smelly breath right in my face as he allows his full weight to crush me. I have no control of my body or his and curl into a ball as he stands and pulls up his pants.
“Jessica Morley,” The nurse calls impatiently as she scans the crowded room of patients wishing it was their name and not mine. I consider just not answering and running home to my bed but that would be avoiding my problems at large. I stand up and do a drunken wobble to the left first, and then lean my body to the right in the actually direction I’m supposed to be going. She gives me a disapproving look as if I’m her daughter or something, then turns on her heel and walks at a speed unheard of for this time of the morning.
I pace back and forth in the tiny sterile room attempting to sort out how to explain something I don’t even fully understand to a doctor. The door clicks open and my file is placed with ease onto the counter opposite me as an old man slides through followed by another woman who looks a little nervous but she’s wearing the white coat too so she much know what she’s doing.
“I’m Dr. Viterno, and this is Dr. Reesley she’s just going to be eavesdropping on us today,” He says without glancing up from my file. Dr. Reesley smiles as she meets my gaze but I return it with hesitant eyes. “And you are here for…”
My gaze shifts to him and I’m caught off guard by his expectant eyes. I really wish there was just a vending machine for these things. “Well,” I start and look around the room for some encouragement but am just met with posters asking if I’ve been checked for STD’s in the past 6 months. “I think I need the pill, I mean Plan B; I mean the morning after pill.” I blurt out in a much more jumbled manor than I intended.
“Well which one is it my dear,” Dr. Viterno quickly responds in a condescending tone as he crosses his arms against his chest. “There’s a big difference between birth control and the morning after pill, you should know that if you’re going to come in here asking for either.” He says wasting little time as he glances at his co-worker with a professional look. I can see the smirk in his eyes as his crow’s feet are embellished through his thick glasses. I wish he could be a little more encouraging, I mean I’m just a kid and this is already embarrassing enough.
“The morning after pill please.” I say in the most confident tone I can manage. I feel like dirt sitting on this bench thing trying to act the age of someone who should actually be in this position.
He exhales and looks at me as if he’s looking at me like every other patient that walks in here. “And how old are you?” He sighs as he scribbles something on his notepad.
“I just turned fifteen a couple months ago.” I say quietly. He glances back up at me, this time without the smirk or judgment and pauses from his scribbling.
I relax a little and think of how I will tell him quickly about my terrible night but he interrupts my thoughts- “You kids just keep getting younger and younger it baffles me sometimes,” He starts as he pulls his glasses off to get a better look at me. “You just fuck like bunnies and don’t think about the consequences until after your little parties. What about going on a few dates instead of going out-” He motions towards my post-drunken self while simultaneously glancing at Dr. Reesley “-until your wasted and then having sex with all your friends?” He finishes, emphasizing his last sentence with pride. I see Dr. Reesley’s mouth slightly open as her eyes widen and glance at me. I stare straight at my hands, my face flushed with embarrassment. Silence pursues as I fold and unfold my unsteady hands. Anger and embarrassment mix dangerously in my gut; I hold my tongue even though leftover liquid courage tells me otherwise.
He grabs a notepad and writes a few words down before passing it to me. “It’s going to cost you ten bucks for this, we don’t hand these things out like lollipops you know. Is there anything else I can help you with?” I know he’s just asking that because its protocol. He is already shuffling my papers back together and getting ready to leave.
“No that’s it,” I responded with more confidence in my voice than I’ve had in a while. I stood up and placed my hand on the door handle before he can get to it. “It’s just,” I turned around and stared at him square in the face. “If it was my choice I wouldn’t want to lose my virginity at 15. I didn’t realize that ‘fucking like bunnies’ meant rape.” I got a glance of his revealing eyes and I slammed the door in his face. This place has to be the reason why walk-in clinics get their bad name from, I thought to myself as I headed to the pharmacy where I could start to erase the worst night of my life from my memory.

psyc outline

just in case my email fucks up

Feedback on your Psychology 1200 Paper http://webct6.douglas.bc.ca/webct/cobaltMainFrame.dowebct?appforward=/webct/startFrameSet.dowebct%3Fforward=manageCourse.dowebct%26lcid=46046102001
Structure:
Followed APA sample paper outline from APA Style Guide

Formatting:
Title page Font Size 12 Double spaced
One inch margins Running Head
Numbered pages Reference page Other

APA Style Referencing:
Used in body of paper?

References Page?

Contents of the Paper
Abstract (See p. 2 of the Sample Paper) The abstract is a summary of the entire paper; do not include material that is not presented in the paper. The abstract is comprised of the following:

 the purpose of the research – to investigate whether the ability to suppress a thought is affected by a person’s cognitive load whether it be high or low, as well as how often the specific suppressed though emerges under any load.

 the variables being investigated –
--independent variable – suppression and the memorization of numbers ( cognitive load).
--dependant variable – number of words related to house
--control condition – the group with no suppression and a low cognitive load (2 numbers)[is this a fault to the experiment? Should it be no numbers to memorize at all]
--control variables – allgroups were asked to:
-write/think about house
-had the same amount of time to complete the word stems
-had 60 seconds to memorize/study digits (high and low)
-all had practice phase
-all had testing phase

 a description of the participants – college student sample (psyc class) with an average age of 20.3 years. Standard deviation of 2.72. there were 8 males and 25 females for a total of 33, which is typical of the gender relations in douglas college classes which is 36% male and 64% female?? In all of douglas there is usually 1 male to every two females. And in our class there is one male for every three females. Not sure if I include all of this information in my essay or not. It could be a fault.

 a description of the method including apparatus or materials, data gathering procedures, names of tests, etc. --- in booklet

 a description of your findings; do NOT include numerical results – the results revealved that neither parts of the hypothesis were supported. There was little difference between participants with a high cognitive load as well that of a low cognitive load in suppressing thoughts of house. The thought occurred about the same amount even under little stress proving that whether your cognitive load is high or low, your ability to suppress thought stays the same.?? revise

 a conclusion - in conclusion this study helped find more information towards the abilities to suppress thoughts and if it is dependent on our cognitive load whether it be high or low.. or none at all?


The abstract is written in past tense. Report numerical values (e.g., number of participants) as digits unless the numerical value begins a sentence in which case report the numerical value as a word. The abstract is no more than 120 words. Typing: The abstract appears on the second page of the paper. The word "abstract" is centred and written in upper and lower case. Do NOT indent the first line of the abstract.

Introduction – reference articles (all three in each if relevant)
(See pp. 3-5 of the Sample Paper) This section introduces the topic being studied, reviews previous research, and clearly states the hypothesis for the study. Academic journal articles are used to review previous research; this is referred to as a literature review. The literature review is NOT a passive summary of each academic journal article, but rather an active, critical discussion of past research. The active discussion involves integrating and synthesising the main research trends as well as noting limitations of past research. Because you are borrowing ideas from previous research, this section will be filled with citations (see pp. 9-11 for examples of APA style citations). In addition, APA style rarely uses direct quotes; paraphrasing (putting it into your own words), with proper citations, is preferred. The literature review should serve as a rationale for the present study and the hypothesis becomes a logical extension of the literature review. Past tense is used for the literature review. Following the literature review, the variables used in the present study are defined and the rationale for the hypothesis is developed. The hypothesis is then stated and the predictions are made. At the end of the introduction, the reader should have a clear idea of what was expected to happen in the study and the reasons for the predictions. It is important to emphasize that the introduction section moves from the general (i.e., the general topic, why it is important, theory, previous research findings) to the specific (i.e., the present study). Typing: The introduction section begins on the third page of the paper. The title of the paper is centred and printed in upper and lower case instead of the word "introduction". The introduction is approximately two to three pages in length. Each new paragraph should be indented 5-7 spaces.

Intro topic being studied-

Review previous research- make sure to connect all three research articles and note the limitations found in each. CITE EVERYTHING.. paraphrasing is better than using direct quotes. Show the rationale for this study so that the hyp is a logical extension. Use past tense. After this introduce the variables of the study.


Cleary state hypothesis for the study- The hypothesis is then stated and the predictions are made.

**by the end there should be a clear idea of what was expected to happen in the study and the reasons for the predictions. Move from being general to being specific.

Method

Materials

Procedure


Results


Discussion – reference articles (all three in each if relevant)




Overall:
Were ideas linked and did writing flow logically?


Was the information accurate?

Grammar

Spelling

Grade:

My Tattoo

The Daily Writing Prompt was to talk about your tattoo if you had one, and well, I have one!

Response:

I have four nautical stars runnning along my spine starting just above the base of my back, and then climbing up my spine to the exact center of my back. As each star climbs is gets a little bit bigger symbolizing continuous growth of oneself. the light and dark sides of each star alternate so that each side of me is completely equal. I did this because I like to try and see both sides of a story or situation before I place judgement on it. I have learnt from experience that first impressions do not mean everything!. I am an aquarius and a nautical star is a sign of the ocean. Sailors used it as a reference to the north star, they used the north star as a reference point because they could always find it in the sky meaning they always knew where they were going. i.e I should always have a direction and be moving towards something in life. Lastly my favorite number is four. I love my tattoo!

Quotations

"God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Ray Charles is God." -Annon

"To begin with, it was only tentatively that I put forward the views I have developed... But in the course of time they have gained such a hold upon me that I can no longer think in any other way." -Freud, 1930

"There is no difference between being raped and being run over by a truck except that afterward men ask if you've enjoyed it." - Marge Piercy, 1976 "Rape Poem"

"There are two statements about human beings that are true: that all human beings are alike, and that all are different" -Mark Van Doren

First Assignment - Scene - CRWR

I could feel my ears stinging as I half walk, half shuffle-run to the skytrain. I left at 4:04 rather than 3:59 meaning I'm probably going to miss my train by just 1 minute and I'm going to be late for work again. Passing by the local coffee shop I peek through the window just like I always do to see if there are any interesting customers today. I spot a couple drinking out of glass mugs rather than the cardboard to-go cups. The woman is coyly rolling the emblem of her necklace back and forth on its chain as the man readjusts himself in his chair so he is perched on the edge of his seat. He then leans forward just inches away from her ear and whispers a joke only the two of them understand. I can tell because she comfortably lets her head fall back as she giggles and enjoys the moment the two have shared. I wish I had time to sit and laugh over inside jokes with my boyfriend. It would probably be a good idea to conquer the boyfriend part before I start drinking coffee with him though. The shop disappears and is replaced by the 48 stairs I climb everyday. I only know its 48 because I have a habit of counting when I'm on the go, really just a habit of counting in general. I smile silently as I realize I have only counted 24 stairs because I'm taking them two at a time to catch the train.

That familiar tone sounds letting me know I only have a second before the door shuts and I squeeze onto the train at the last second. Maybe today is my lucky day after all. A few odd glances are shot my way and I realize it’s because I have disrupted the awkward silence of strangers with my heaving breathing and clumsy attempt to catch the steel bar as the train starts. Flustered and sweating from my mini speed walk I skirt to the closest seat and glance at my fellow transiters. 18 people are on the train including myself. Thank God because I usually feel like I'm at a crowded school dance. The only difference is that I'm not dancing with a cute boy, I'm hip to hip with an old construction worker covered in dirt and exuding BO from his armpits, which are at the exact level of my nostrils by the way. Thanks for the great genes Mom, I think to myself as we pull into Lougheed Station. It’s usually busy at this stop but today only a few people saunter in. At the last second this guy hops through the doors just like I did earlier.

He is pretty much my definition of perfection. I silently violate him as I look him up and down. His black converse sneakers pump to the beat in his headphones. He wipes his hands subconsciously on his worn faded jeans while he calmly scans the room from behind his ridulously long eyelashes. He looks as if he has been through a lot and then some. Not in a bad way, a way that makes him wise beyond his years. There is only two decent options as to where he could sit. Directly in front of me or beside me. I feel the butterflies escape from my stomach and surround my chest, as he makes his way towards me. He sits down beside me and I get a whiff of that unfamiliar and intriguing scent of a boy. Thats when I realize I know this mystery man! There are endless stories of us together in my journal just hanging out. I day-dream for hours each week thinking about all the trouble we could get into. I cant believe it`s really him! He`s tall, loves music, smells exactly like I`ve imagined.. I debate sparking a conversation so that we can hit it off, but I`m not sure if that would be stalkerish.

“Excuse me” I almost whisper in a shakey voice. He doesn’t even look at me. How could my soulmate just ignore me like that I think to myself.
“Excuse me” I say a bit louder while tapping him on the shoulder lightly two times. He takes his earphones out and looks at me with his blue eyes like he’s looking at me for the first time. Our eyes connect and we exchange a feeling I know he will never forget. “This is my stop.” I say, I can’t believe we are having a conversation! He moves so I can squeeze past him and I use all the power I possess not to look back at him as I walk off the train.

What an amazing day yet nothing has changed. Rewinding and fast-forwarding and pausing, the last 16 minutes in my head was elevating my mood like a good dose of morphene. I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way. I lost track of the number of steps I had taken as I realized he might of hardly noticed me at all. For all I know he could be on the way to his real girlfriends of something. Thats an impossibility I assure myself, he even had blue eyes! I regain my pace and start all over again. One, two, three, four...
****

Character writing exercise. (virgin attempt)

So I just started a creative writing workshop and was told I will be a better writer the more I write and practice. Therefore, I am going to attempt to write about some character. As of this moment I have no idea whom I will speak of. I only know it will be of complete fiction based on fact and that their revealing traits most likely wont make much sense. Ah such a daunting task to write twenty-four pages this semester.

I walked into the big red room. So barron as if the most atrocious mimimalist had lived here for their entire existence. The ceiling curved upward to an intimidating point and from its exact center a chandeller hung. It possessed countless tiers all made from thousands of shards of broken glass. Each of them delicately throwing light around the room as if it were a game. Imperfect perfection at its finest.
I could feel the chilled air stealing every ounce of warmth I knew of. It reminded me of winter when I was young. Hours spent outside, tears freezing to icicles as I begged my father to let me back in the house.. I never understood until later why I couldnt stay inside when our neighbour Marla came over while mom was working the night shift. He always played the same tape when she came over, so often that I would whisper the lyrics, barely legible through my chattering teeth. Lost in the past I wondered why I had even bothered to come here. How could my life possibly improve by finding him and allowing him back into my life?
In awe of the floating reflections on the seemingly haunted red walls I failed to notice a leather bound book in the far corner. Probably because the floor was covered in dust.


MEHHHHH thats all I got, what do you think?